U2 Goes down in a blaze of Glockenspiel

Hello.

So, my friend says to me, “Have you heard they turned U2 songs into lullabies for babies.” I laughed, ” It’s a spoof, don’t believe everything you read.”

No it’s true.

Against the dulcet tones of the glockenspiel one can now let the wee one drift off to the classic lullabye “Sunday Bloody Sunday”. Because when I think bedtime music for innocent children, I think U2. Yes, the images of a war torn country and children being shot or starving to death are just what I want my children to listen to before they can even dribble out “momma”.

But wait, it’s gets better. The song list includes “One” a song about an AIDS patient singing to his heartless father just before he dies.Yes, that is what that song is about so, stop playing it at weddings. Or how about “Angel of Harlem”, the one about Billie Holiday and her heroin addiction. My favorite is “The Sweetest Thing” in which Bono declares his wife is “even better than The Real Thing.” That’s nice. I know when my husband declares that I am better than an illegal drug, I get all gushy. And I want my children to hear all about it.

Ya know, the day I heard a U2 song played as muszak in an elevator I thought, “Good lord, I am old and isn’t New Years Day lovely when played by a thousand faceless studio musicians?” I thought that was the lowest anyone could sink, musically speaking. I figure once all your hard work has become fluffy tunes to not think by, that’s it, career over. But no, always breaking new ground, U2 has actually found a level lower than elevator music. They have opened a whole new vista of selling out. Compared to this, the iPod is nothing.

I would have loved to be in on that meeting:

“Uh yeah there boys, a company called Flying Peas would like to turn all of your music into syrupy campy versions of their former glory to market to morons with no musical taste or understanding of your lyrics, so how bout it? “

“Will it be bigger than the U2 Euchrist they play in American churches?”

“Of course.”

“Then we’re in.”

There is a point where marketing takes a left turn and I think U2 reached it sometime in the late nineties. At this point they are just whores trying to coast on their past success.

Of course if you are not a U2 fan, you can always get the lullaby version of U2 Light Coldplay’s greatest hits. Personally, I am waiting for the Beastie Boys edition, because their songs really hit you where you live. Who doesn’t want their toddlers to Fight for their Right to Paaaaarty?

Dogwoman