Hello.
First, I wish Bloglines would stop messing with my post displays. Every time I log in these days it looks different and I have to jump through new hoops. It’s disturbing. I’m old, I don’t handle change well. It makes me want to shake my cane at them. *shake, shake, shake* Whippersnappers.
Today I was idly butterfly stroking through the news and found a little gem of a piece over at Time magazine. It was a maudlin, slightly gaspy, story about Purity Balls. If you’ve been living under an atheist rock and haven’t heard of them, they are interesting. A Purity Ball is a precious little ceremony for fathers and daughters, in which everyone dresses up and the girls, one as young as four, promise not to have sex before they are married. They are given a purity ring by the dads as they meet before a cross under two crossed swords. The author seems to think this is okay and helpful. Personally, it might be okay if they weren’t using phrases to describe the father’s position as “covering my soul until my husband takes over.” Blech.
To me this sort of nonsense is about as useful as a U2Euchrist.
Wouldn’t a private conversation between the fathers, mothers and daughters be more useful? How much does a four year old understand about the topic? I’m guessing not much. Also, if the parent’s are doing their job well they don’t need a ceremony to discuss the tough choices facing teenagers. Teens already know what they are. Yet, in families I have observed over the years, frank discussions and limits on teens do not exist. Guess what parents, you can limit what your child does. SURPRISE! There is no real need for Purity Balls, what there is a need for is limitations on children trying to get through the very difficult moments of puberty. And parents are afraid to put those limits in play. If they want to go out on a date at thirteen, say no if you’ve a mind to. After a few days of tantrums and perhaps a little sneaking around it will all shake out. At the very least the teen will know where you stand and what you consider to be acceptable. This is called guidance. It’s the parent’s main job.
Things like Purity Balls set teens up for failure. And horrible guilt. They try to impose moral ideals on a natural cycle of growth. Puberty and the contemplation of sex is determined by the hormones not by the parents. Each child needs to have the proper tools to decide what is right for them. Information is the best weapon against the boogey man of sexual activity all parents fear. Denial, rituals and mental religious flogging all put more stress and fear into a time when teens are already struggling. Giving reliable information, a clear set of guidelines and the safety net of honesty between parents and teens does more good than a white rose and a cross.
Thin symbols can never take the place of strong parenting.
Dogwoman
Monday July 21 2008 at 8:53 pm
Did you read the part about girls who have made these kind of “purity” pledges being less likely to use protection when they do have sex? Because they promised that they wouldn’t, they have a hard time planning ahead to break that promise.
So when these girls do have sex, they are more likely to have an unplanned pregnancy, and more likely to get a disease because they didn’t take basic precautions. And when they do get a disease, or get pregnant, how likely do you think it would be that they’ll go to mommy and daddy for help, once there is proof that they’ve broken their promise?
Yuck.
Tuesday July 22 2008 at 5:02 pm
Oh yeah I read that. I figured that would be another sixty minutes of ranting if I went into detail. Parents who don’t give their children the information they need are asking for trouble. It may be uncomfortable but teens need basic information and it should come from the parents. Purity pledges are a great way for parents to avoid the issue altogether. Slackers.