Hello.

It’s that time again. The smell of new shoes is in the air. The delicate sound of shouting and screaming outside the bedroom window as students line up at 6:45 a.m. to wait for the bus.

They’re going back.

And so am I. Another year of self-abuse and personal flagellation I like to call My Career As a Professional Substitute. This year our district has signed on with a professional contractor, ergo, I get benefits. Yeah! And five separate districts that I am contracted to. Boo! New students. Yeah! New administrators. Boo!

I am actually looking forward to this year. I have put together all of my papers, pencils, lesson plans, notebooks, printables, stickers, paperclips, xanax and vodka. Now all I need are the assignments.

You know how little kids get ready at 4 am for the first day of school and then just sit on the couch waiting for the ok to run to the bus? Yeah, that’s me. Just swinging my feet and waiting to say those magic words:

“If you don’t give me that phone right now I will call security and have you suspended.”

Ah, it’s gong to be a great year. I can feel it.

Dogwoman