Archive for May, 2007

MyCrapPoetry Volume 3

Hello.

So guess what? It’s time for another version of MyCrapPoetry. If you’ve not seen this feature before, it’s a service I provide for those who are looking for MySpace poetry and accidentally find themselves in the Doghouse. By combing Technorati for thirty minutes I post the worst poetry I can find just so those who are looking for it on my site won’t be unsatisfied. Because here at the ‘House it’s all about you, the readers. I am only here to help so….

Todya’s poem comes from Casey

It’s another testament to lost love and this time includes a little swearing. Which is good, as you don’t see a lot of expletives in the highbrow work. It’s good to know that someone out there is taking a chance. As you read, note the spelling. I thought I was the only one who was this bad at such a nominal task. Gird you loins my friends as we delve into the underworld of teen love……

its taken me some time,
to see what you really mean,
its taken blood, and tears,
to see how much i really care,
i cant believe how much this hurts,
loving you like this,
i cant believe how much i need you,
how much i crave your kiss,
i cant make sure you wont leave,
but i’ll try my best to stay with you,
i cant make everything okay,
but ill do everything i can do,
im dedicating myself to you,
you have my heart in your hands,
now that you see all my scars,
how do you feel?
is it the same was you felt yesterday?
or is it all new,
now when you look into my eyes,
can you see all the times ive cried?
do you see all the times ive lied,
all the times ive cut, and bled,
all the times i had so much to say,
but none of it was ever said,
well im not letting myself down again,
im telling you the truth,
whne i promised i woulndt leave,
i meant it, cuz im so in love with you,
i need your hugs,
your laugh and your smile,
i need you, i need this,
i can live without your kiss,
you bring me to life,
the butterflies you release,
all the words you whisper,
as i lay on your chest,
i cant believe this feeling,
better than all the rest,
i dotn want to ever forget this,
all the love we show,
theres no way in hell,
im EVER letting you go.

Oh my. Where to begin? The writer certainly is fierce. That’s how you know the feeling is real. We’ve talked before about stream of consciousness writing. If you are just starting out, learn to use the structure. Just line by line slapping words on to the unsuspecting Internet is not poetry, it’s verbal salad served with a side of yuck. In order to make emotions seem real you needn’t use swear words. If you look in the dictionary you will find stunning alternatives. So go buy one. Right now. We’ll wait. Try to get the OED. Yeah that one, on the left. Excellent. Now take a class.

Here’s little good poetry from Rilke to rinse that bad taste out of your brain…

Black Cat


A ghost, though invisible, still is like a place
your sight can knock on, echoing; but here
within this thick black pelt, your strongest gaze
will be absorbed and utterly disappear:

just as a raving madman, when nothing else
can ease him, charges into his dark night
howling, pounds on the padded wall, and feels
the rage being taken in and pacified.

She seems to hide all looks that have ever fallen
into her, so that, like an audience,
she can look them over, menacing and sullen,
and curl to sleep with them. But all at once

as if awakened, she turns her face to yours;
and with a shock, you see yourself, tiny,
inside the golden amber of her eyeballs
suspended, like a prehistoric fly.

-Rilke

Dogwoman

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Let’s Go !

Hello.

I like games. I am very fond of logic games. It’s one reasons I like politics so much. It’s really a game of power and influence. It has been said that politics is a like a chess game. And so it is. You have your heads of state (KING), your land masses (BOARD), your common voters (PAWNS), your politicians (BISHOPS,KNIGHTS) and so on.

Chess is a game where everyone knows the rules. And the rules are carved in stone. It is less a matter of timing or chance than being able to skew the rules in your favor. It is a linear game being played in political arenas across the world.

In light of Cindy Sheehan’s recent letter of retirement, I propose a new game for the peace activists of the world. I suggest, with humility, that we begin playing an ancient game that uses balance and forward thinking. I think it’s time we Go.

As Sheehan points out, the peace movement, in trying to copy the strict and straight forward rules of our government, has all but dismantled itself. In-fighting and secularization are taking over. We are being divided. Go uses strategy, contemplation and volume to surround the opponent, thus causing them to lose territory. When both players pass or give up their turn because there are no more useful moves, the total is taken and the player with the most territory wins.

By considering moves carefully and placing our ire and dissatisfaction in stratigeic places the bleeding heart liberals, us, can carefully render a position in which a stalemate is inevitable. In doing so we can take over more political territory and thus push our government to do what we ask them to.

This new game would work because during the time the politicos are playing chess, it would look like confusion. They wouldn’t understand because they are set for a straight game in which particular rules are laid down. The goal is to capture the king. In Go, the goal is to surround the army, giving the King no option but to surrender.

Using Go in the political arena requires talents peace activists have in spades and politicians who are supposed to be held accountable do not. Time and patience. It is a slow, measured game. There are no games of speed Go. Also, by banding together in larger numbers peace activists can do what self-serving politicos cannot. Successfully organize large numbers with which to force the opponent into a position of weakness and isolation.

Go takes time and thought, it is not a game for those in a hurry. By taking the time and using a quiet strategic method changes can be made permanent before the opponent realizes they have been taken over.

And isn’t about time real changes begin to happen?

Remember, regardless of what FOX news tells you, there are more of us than there are of them, so let’s Go!

Dogwoman

What’s The Big Idea

Hello.

So, here we are middle of the year. Looking back it’s not been that great. But we all have the ability to look forward. Progress. Progression. Progressive. To move forward. Ah yes.

Several years ago we had the idea that to move forward we should change a few things. Like voting in a Republican ’cause the Democrat was a bit of a rake. Well it looks like, having endured a few years of the Bush Administrration, we might have gotten that one wrong. That happens sometimes when you have a BIG IDEA. Sometimes you get the wrong idea. Original thinking is good. Admitting that your original idea might be a bit of a bummer is good too.

We are faced, as a nation, with a dilemma. It’s one most people don’t consider when they sit down to watch the news. It’s not an obvious one unless you are trying to collect social security. Our population is aging rapidly. All those peace loving, post war babies are now creeping into their 60’s. It’s happening in every country that had a boom in births after WWII. It’s not happening in countries that didn’t. Countries like China, India, and Saudi Arabia.

So what ? Well the problem is we’re out of Big Ideas. Or the Big Ideas we’re having are crap. The younger the population, the more dynamic and forward thinking those ideas are. What we in the West are now stuck with is a small group of people without the ability to think the way young people think. You remember, when everything was possible and that’s the only thing you cared about. Probability wasn’t even part of your vocab. This select group of blue hairs is now telling us what to think and how to think it. The problem is they’re old and set in their ways. So even if the Big Idea is crap they won’t admit it. Below I have listed a few of the Big Ideas that have come up in recent years that I personally feel are just bad ideas. If you have some that you’d like to post feel free. Don’t be shy, I only bite those who annoy me.

1. The Iraq War- just a festering shithole of a bad idea. And nothing makes me run barking towards the shock wall like someone who says ‘just give it time, we’ll win in the end’

2. Paul Wolfowitz in charge of the World Bank- I hated this idea from the beginning. Nothing says ‘connections’ and ‘paybacks’ louder. Except maybe…

3.Ken Lay as a special consultant to the White House – that worked out well, yes?

4.Rumsfeld- just the whole idea of this man is repugnant.

5. The Red Program- yeah, okay. Consumer driven charity. If you can’t see the path this leads down, you should take off your over-priced sunglasses.

6. Faith based anything involving tax payer money- We should not be paying to shift the burden of caring for the poor to an organization that makes you pray before they will help you. I don’t want pictures of Jesus looming over me as I wait for my welfare application to be processed. It’s intimidating. And misleading.

7. The ABC program being used in African nations to stem the tide of AIDS- bashed time and again, the Bush camp won’t see this for what it is. Bullshit.You just can’t tell people not to have sex. And shaming them into it is morally reprehensible. I don’t care whose name you are doing it in.

8.The U.N. Human Rights Council- Good idea, bad execution. Have you seen the list of Nations who are on the council? Oh dear. Some of these governments wouldn’t know a Human Right if it sidled up and bit them in sensitive areas.

9. DRM- ‘nough said.

10. Lindsey Lohan. Can’t sing, can’t act. Her only claim to lasting fame is the fact that she is a coke whore with a bad driving record. Whoever thought up this marketing scheme should be fired.

What we need are lasting and exciting new Big Ideas. I’m an old and crabby Giantess so I am out of the running on this one. However, if you are a thinking person and have a new Big Idea, send it along. Just make sure you crap test it before putting in to play, Ok?

Dogwoman

In Memoriam

Hello.

It’s coming up on Memorial Day.

So let’s Memory all the people who have died in wars past.

Click on the links of your favorite contemporary war to find a listing of soliders who died. Keep in mind as you look through the lists, these were real people, not just names on a website. People who had families and friends, children and wives. I strongly encourage you to click the links and take a look. I was only able to get a listing of statistics for WWII, but they are chilling none the less. And any attempt to list more than three links was thwarted. I have lists for the Korean War and WWI. If you are interested in them send me an e-mail and I will forward them to you. What I found most interesting about WWI is that many people died not of combat, but of the Flu.

IRAQ-

VIETNAM-

WWII-

We pay a terrible price whenever we go to war. In human life and potential. In the endless suffering it causes the families who lose loved ones. In those whose lives are forever changed by their injuries, both the ones you can see and the ones you can’t.

Dogwoman

Bringing Up Baby

Hello.

Dear Vice President Cheney,

Congratulations on becoming a grandfather. It would be a bit more Christian appropriate if your grandson’s parents were married, though. Pity they live in a Neo-Con America that you helped create.

Mazel Tov.

Dogwoman

Giant Oil and A Midget Country

Hello.

Have you noticed the gas prices lately? Of course you have. They are skyrocketing out of control. Have you heard the official line that it’s the refineries, particularly the ones in New Orleans, and the fact that they can’t maintain production ? Would it surprise you to know that one of the real problems may lie in a small African country that the World Bank, the IMF and the anti-corruption NGOs love to hold up as example of how one should run an African country even while said country is routinely censored by Human Rights groups such as Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch?

Nigeria. Home to Chevron, Exxon, Shell and angry militants who want their land back. Or at least a sustainable piece of the action.

Nigeria is the U.S.’s fifth largest oil supplier. In 2005 they were exporting over ninety million dollars worth of light sweet crude a day. Light sweet crude doesn’t need much refining ergo, it’s perfect for the refinery deficient America. However, those pesky militants are messing everything up. They live in run down shack villages that have no running water, no hospitals, no electricity. What they do have are shiny new Russian guns and boats. They have, since 2002-2003, routinely caused world oil prices to fluctuate by stopping production at various points along the pipeline. Their reasoning is not so difficult to understand. Having entered into contracts with the Big Oil companies that promised them money and jobs in exchange for permission to extract oil, they soon discovered that those companies (see above) had no intention of keeping their word. After trying and failing to get the Nigerian government to help they began resorting to guerrilla tactics. It should be noted that while they routinely kidnap oil workers rarely are any of them killed, just ransomed and released. This is not at all an endorsement for their behavior, more like an interesting fact.

So how come Nigeria, with one of the largest oil reserves in the world is also considered a giant hole of poverty and disease ? Because the Oil companies like it that way. They can siphon off millions of barrels of oil and, by paying out a bribe here and there, help their profits jump into the billions. For Chevron, that figure reached 202 billion in profit for 2006. However, every time a militant group kidnaps a worker or as in recent days, climbs an offshore rig and takes away the workers, effectively lessening the overall production, world oil prices skyrocket. There is speculation that in a market where demand is equal to supply that these continued interruptions will at some point jack the price of oil to over 80 dollars a barrel. Or in a worse case scenario 120 dollars a barrel. This would cause a cascading world wide recession that would nearly paralyze the U.S. and other developed countries who depend heavily on oil. All because the Nigerian government and the oil companies they support don’t want to give compensation to the people whose land they operate from, after signing contracts to do so..

Where is all of the money the Nigerian government makes from the oil revenues going? I can tell you where it’s not going; into disease prevention, schools, hospitals, roads, agriculture, clean water maintenance, or housing for the inhabitants in the Nigerian Delta. Most of the people living there subsist on less than a dollar (US) a day. Many developing countries have upped their poverty levels to three dollars (US) a day. But not in the Delta. And the Nigerian government has no plans to rectify the situation outside of what they can do to convince Western Aid workers and other governmental enforcement agencies that they are dealing with these issues but the militants are causing the problem.. By blaming the militants the government have effectively shielded the oil companies from any accusations of wrongdoing. And the oil companies make sure government officials are well compensated for their efforts. And the U.S., who stands to lose a great deal if things continue this way, has done nothing to help ease these tensions but loosen restrictions on the oil companies and their shady business dealings, both in Nigeria and elsewhere.

And this could be one of the reasons that in coming days you will be paying four dollars a gallon for gas.

For more detailed information see the Human Rights Watch website, Corp Watch, Amnesty International.org or go here.

Dogwoman

Just A Note Of Congratulations

Hello.

Dear Soon To Be Former Prime Minister And Good Friend Of the Bush Monarchy Tony Blair,

Congratulations on the forthcoming nomination for World Bank President. Even I was amazed at how fast they put that one in to play but hey, kudos. It’s good to have low friends in high places isn’t?

I am curious about your possible take over of the World Bank however. Granted you are technically European but considering how much time you have spent sucking up to America and ignoring the will of your own people I am wondering if you can still be called “European.” Maybe you should be called Ameropean, or Euroican, either way you are a definite hybrid. Perhaps they should give Brown the post and allow you to continue down the path you were on. It sure would help Bush in his world domination efforts if you remained Prime Minister.

Why must all of the possible World Bank Presidents be warmongers? Is there something about the Bank we don’t know? If so you might want to disclose it before you accept. Look what happened to the last guy who wasn’t completely clear on a few things.
By the way, a little deaf wave to you for the scheduling. You leave office on the 27th of June and the new post opens up on the 30th. You and the Mrs. can take a mini break before all of the shit starts hitting the proverbial fan.

Best of luck in your new job. It’s nice that you won’t have to send out all those resumes the White House secretary typed up for you.

Dogwoman

UPDATE: So, I totally called that wrong. At the time it seemed the most feasible idea. Good luck to Zoellick, he’s gonna need it. Although, I do wonder if maybe Bush didn’t go back on his word tothe EU? Ah well, I may never know. -dogwoman