Archive for March, 2008

I Know A Place You Can Stick Your Brand


If you turned your lights out for an hour on Saturday, I weep for you.

Earth Hour was a sneaky little trick pulled by business entrepreneurs to Brand a political movement.

So was the collection of world wide rock concerts sponsored by the Man in Green, Al Gore.

So is the Red Program

So is any charitable or humanitarian movement in which anyone in a suit whose lips move faster than the rest of them is involved.

Branding is a pandemic.

There is a rush to slap a label on everything in an attempt to market to the overcrowded market. However, if what is being branded is a movement or a humanitarian group or goal, then it’s taking the whole point of that movement or goal and flushing straight down the potty. People are fickle and don’t really like to be told how to feel about issues. Many of the ‘new’ movements are emotionally driven. The pros and cons of each should be left up to the individual, not the corporation. It is lazy to allow a politician or rock star or dot com executive to tell you what to think. People should think for themselves. And many do.

Contrary to popular thought, branding things like Global Warming is actually counterproductive. Yes, it gets more attention but it’s usually negative attention. Rational people are less likely, despite what slick charts tell you, to engage in an activity that has a corporate brand on it. Those who jump through these politically driven hoops tend to be younger and less focused or older and concerned what others think of them.

Politicians love brands because it tells them exactly what to do. Corporations love brands because they can direct their marketing at target audiences, like children. Everything from music groups to art galleries have hired marketing strategists to create a brand that will get noticed. That’s why Amy Winehouse and Lindsy Lohan have recording contracts. They’re not good, they’re just easy.

I think of it this way. The only thing that should be branded is cattle. And only so ranchers can tell one cow from another.

If the powers that wanna be begin branding things like Global Warming or international charities people will be less likely to take them seriously. It is seen as a way to get the attention of children or the hopelessly insecure.

As for Earth Hour, well uh, my house is always lit up as though the Mother Ship has just landed. I like to think of it as a beacon in the darkness of mooing ignorance that surrounds us all. My husbands thinks of it as a condition called ‘Childitis’ i.e.: that act of having children who won’t turn off the light when they leave a room. Sigh.


Confuse To Conquer


I just looked at the clock and realized with horror that I have been reading the news for three hours. Three hours.

Here’s what I learned in that time:

Obama is a Democratic God.

Obama is going to ruin our country.

Clinton should throw in the towel.

Clinton should fight on.

The new Iraqi surge is working.

America is losing the fight in Iraq.

Iraq Vets hate Bush.

The GOP hates Bush.

Everyone hates Bush.

America is a neo-fascist country being driven into the ground by bad economic policies.

Germany is sponsoring a body painting party.

Today we should all observe Earth Hour by shutting off our lights at 8pm.

Teachers keep having sex with students.

Starbucks doesn’t have to comply with court orders.

Neither does any White House Aide.

Regular news outlets are trolling blogs for news because it’s cheaper than sending a correspondent.

and Grey Wolves are off the endangered list…for now.

And the only thing I found interesting or newsworthy was the German Body Painting story.

I want to go to a body painting party. With the lights off for an hour as Grey wolves roam restlessly about looking for a correspondent to complain to about George Bush and his fascist policies while Clinton hands out towels to Obama who is.. spilling his Starbucks coffee… on the teachers having sex with students….while avoiding court orders….. Wait

Sigh. I’m confused.

Does anyone out there have any idea what the hell is going on??????


To Paraphrase: It’s Your Own Fault


I’ve just read the speeches of the Presidential candidates on the Credit Crisis. I thought to help out those who don’t want to slog through the Orwellian tactics of our potential candidates, I would rephrase them here.

Keep in mind I am doing so with a mind altering temperature of 103. If I get it wrong I was, in fact, out of my mind at the time, senator.

McCain: Fuck ’em, Fuck ’em all. They should have figured it out before they took on the mortgages. Idiots. Those lenders were at fault and so were the homeowners and it’s not the Governments job to bail out either. Though, in a pinch we should help business over people because that’s what this country is made of, business not people.

Obama: Historically (and this man knows his American history ) we’ve already done this. See, we just need new plans for dealing with 21st century business, more regulation, more oversight. However, we don’t need to cap campaign contributions from these businesses. No, the government needs to work with business to ensure that business prospers in a kinder and gentler way. And people need to suck it up and deal with all the painful changes because America is a business, not a collection of people. Oh, and maybe we could propose some sort of legislation that teaches morons how to manage their mortgages properly. Maybe. I’m just sayin’.

Clinton: I told them years ago this would happen but did anyone listen to me? NO. Now look what’s happened. Well, I guess we can start cleaning up the mess and getting some sort of legislation into the works that makes sure this doesn’t happen again. Do I have to do everything around here?

See, each of the candidates has a grand vision pertaining to fixing the mess and who should be blamed. I noticed however, that they weren’t all that interested in mentioning the lobbyists who helped with the deregulation process. Ok, Obama mentioned it, but he sort of glossed it over. Each candidate doesn’t want to fix anything, they want to blame someone and then ride them around the town square before sentencing them to the stocks. We know this because while they mention the fact that low income homeowners were taken advantage of they lay a good portion of blame at the feet of the homeowners. Even though many of the mortgages were altered by the lenders to make the homeowners look better on paper than they really were. And then those falsified mortgages were sold in mass bundles to other lending companies.This practice created a waterfall of shitty paper that was actually worth nothing. Voila, Credit Crisis.

The lending institutions are the bad guys in this scenario. The hiding of large debt, the use of derivatives, the explosion of private equity that has almost no government oversight and continuing deregulation of vital industries has all contributed to this current mess that taxpayers have to pay for. At no point have I heard the regular Joe Shmo saying ‘Hey lets screw about with everything cause it looks good on paper” No, they just wanted what we’re constantly told everyone is entitled to here in America, a home of their own. Now, entire states have Homeless of their own.

Great job you greedy hope sucking bastards.

Oh and under no circumstances are you yabbos allowed to blame China. You did to yourselves, now fix it. The right way.


I Need Virtual Chicken Soup

Hell. O.

I work with a myriad population under the age of eighteen. Germy little tikes everyone of them. Despite being coughed on, sneezed on (and one memorable moment of being spat at), I have successfully avoided infection and/or taint for almost nine glorious months.

I went to a relative’s house this weekend and every sicky, virusy, nasty germ within a twelve mile radius jumped on me and is now having a virus carnival in my body.


I hate being sick.

I willst have my revenge.

Later, when I can stand up.

and breathe.


Three in One


Dear Vice President Dick Cheney,

Thank you for your kind words about the soldiers serving in Iraq on the news that we have now lost 4,000 men and women. You are absolutely right, they did volunteer. So did you. And the only action you’ve seen so far is shooting your friend in the face while hunting maimed birds. Perhaps a three year tour of that sandy hell hole would give your tired old ass a wake up call. Just a thought.



Dear President Bush,

Please stop talking. Every time you open your mouth something incomprehensible and slightly scary comes out. We the People of the United States would like you to convert to Buddhism and take a vow of silence for the next 10 months.



Dear Pat Buchanan ,

Black people across America would like to thank you for really getting to the root of the civil rights movement. With comments like your recent ones stating how grateful they should be that White landowners rounded them up like cattle and shipped them across the ocean like abused sardines, I’m sure there won’t be any backlash.

Are you stuck in a time warp, you cretin?

Honestly, why do these things just creep out of your mouth ? African- Americans are not the only group of people on welfare, using Pell grants or benefiting from state run programs to help the poor. Like Ice Pops, poor people come in all flavors and none of them are grateful to be poor. In fact, they are a bit pissed off. And waiting outside your fancy office. With torches and pitch forks.

Gee, I wonder what they want?



Nothing To Lose


Credit crisis. Rising Gas prices. Rising food prices. Inert and unwilling lawmakers.

These are some of the problems facing America today. While it may seem that these are loosely connected in some vague way they are in fact directly related.

Banks made loans to low income people at what are termed ‘predatory rates’. This means that the bank knew the homeowner couldn’t pony up the dough and was just waiting for the time they must foreclose. Then they could sell the house to another ‘low income homeowner’ and start the cycle all over again. Using this method they could make thousands of dollars off one house and the average yutz. Pretty slick. Too bad so many banks started getting in on the action. By using the idea of the American Dream against regular Joes, like you and I, the banking industry has crashed our economy.

It’s not just the lending strategy, it’s the hiding of assets and debit that has been going on since 2000. The banks have been playing fast and loose with numbers off the books. Things that we never hear about like derivatives and the resurgence of hedge funds and private equity funds.

What puzzles me and makes me wonder is why the Government is bailing out the banks.

The Government should be bailing out the homeowner. I thought is was the general duty of the Government to help those who have been harmed by the amoral practices of businesses which it is supposed to regulate. Like Banks. I had no idea the Government was in place to bail out the banks who instituted these policies after Slick Willy signed Bank deregulation into law in 2000, just before he skated out the White House door. Guess he was hoping we wouldn’t notice.

With the credit industry crashing on a global scale NOW bank officers are crying foul. “Oh we should have seen that” Oh fuck off, you did see it, but your profits were more important than those who might be harmed. Like everyone not on the Board.

The bankers who brought you the Savings and Loan disaster of the eighties have now brought you the World Wide Credit Crunch. And they have no plans to change any of their policies once our Fed bails them out.

Thanks to them gas and food and housing prices are soaring because the billions in tax payer dollars that should be going to restructuring programs are going into the coffers of banks. The Government is using our money to bail out the banks who raped our communities. And the lawmakers sit back and yawn and rake in the campaign contributions from these bastards while rubber stamping their poor policies.

Why not? They’ve got nothing to lose.

I really hate that.


Thought For The Days To Come


Is it just me or do the Democratic candidates spend more time talking about themselves than the issues?

I still don’t care if Obama is black or Hilary is a woman. No amount of media hype is going to make me care.

I care that these ‘agents of change’ don’t talk about the recession, Iraq, the credit crunch and subsequent devaluation of the dollar, continuing rising insurance and health care rates and educational issues.

I care that the only thing they care about is the other candidate. It’s very sweet, but maybe they could knock that shit off and get back to what is important.


Tempus Fugit


I just realized that I have been blogging for over a year. A full year of random thoughts spewed onto the net like G.W. after an all nighter. Dear me.

I wonder if I should apologize?



Isn’t It Lovely?


I just found the most beautiful website in the history of English language usage. Pain in the English .com.

It’s a site for those pesky grammatical questions that pop up from time to time. This site has everything from formal usage help to dictionaries for ESL learners. I think we should ship a copy of this to every MySpace user on the net. And a few journalists. And President G.W. Bush.

It’s amazingly pedantic. Delightfully semantic. It’s glorious.

(Sorry, that was me singing it’s praises. No, I won’t do it again. I promise)

And I have posted a link.


Have I Got A Deal For You


The debate over the primary rages on, with Florida getting the bums rush on a mail-in campaign and Michigan supposedly ‘near reaching a deal’. Bollocks. And not the the dog’s either.

Here in the Mich, four senators have been flexing their great senatorial muscles trying to push through a privately funded deal with Clinton and Obama. They met with Clinton’s people, but Obama decided to phone it in. Much too busy apparently to strike a beneficial deal in person.

Obama is just pissing me off. First, he claims that nothing should be done because it’s our own fault for not following the rules. Then he states that the delegates should be split fifty fifty. Why should he get fifty percent of the delegates when he didn’t even bother to put his name on the ballot? Or show up in our state? Or do anything to help the voters? Clearly he’s just angling to keep Clinton from retaining the votes she won. It’s not about the people for Obama it’s about, well, Obama and what might be helpful to him. But that is not what the proposed do over is for. It’s about making sure that the voter’s have a voice even though our politicians are idiots who screwed it up when we weren’t looking.

The other half of this debate that makes me howl is the privately funded part. Privately funded translates into special interest and lobby groups who might possibly then use that leverage to their advantage at a later date.Can I have a HELL NO? If our state wants to do the election over then lawmakers better come up with a plan that doesn’t involve potential pay backs to low voiced weasels.

The chances of this (radio edit) going through are slim. In Michigan there are Dems on one side and ‘Pubs on the other. While the Dems might say okay, what are the chances that the ‘Pubs are going to do anything that might help? About equal to the chance of Steve Jobs inventing a product that is beneficial to mankind without trying to make a profit. Not to mention, they’ve got very little time as our Legislature goes on Spring Break soon. It’s hard to get a lawmaker to care when they are wearing Mardi Gras beads and doing body shots in Dayton Beach.

I propose that we let the situation stand as is. The damage has already been done. Either we let the delegates go as is or we do nothing. It is unfair to allow Obama to have another shot at a state which he considers so useless that he can’t be bothered to send people to Washington to talk about how to rectify the situation. And allowing special interest groups to have a say in our elections via the big money train is just wrong. Morally and legally.

As far as the voters go, well we have state elections coming too and we can get rid of the lawmakers who put us in this situation by, you guessed it, voting.