Archive for June, 2008

FEMA Strikes Again

Hello.

Man: Hey, I’m walkin’ here.

FEMA Agent: Fuck you, I’m with FEMA.

Man: Whatever. Be careful.

FEMA Agent: *CRUNCH*

Man:  Ow. You Bastard!

And then the FA tries it again.

Making friends in all fifty states.

We love FEMA.

Dogwoman

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Uncongratulations

Hello.

Dear Robert Mugrabby,

Uh, I’m not sure if you are aware, so I thought I would point out, that it’s not really a win if you scare, falsely imprison and torture your opposition. One cannot claim victory if the person opposing you in a Presidential election is so frightened of you that he holes up in the Dutch embassy and take  his name off the ballot. Also it is poor sportsmanship to jail and deny basic civil rights to anyone who might want to vote for the other side.

Also, the Bush Administration would like you to stop being such a copycat.

Dogwoman

Satire, Babies and Obama

Hello.

You know how candidates kiss babies during their campaigns?  Well, some enterprising Staffer for Obama has started a new website where you can send Obama your baby to kiss or hug.

For FAQ’s and shipping instructions go here.

Dogwoman

If You Can’t Duct It…

Hello.

The CDC is using duct tape to seal the door to a lab where they study Q fever.

Don’t worry it’s not like it’s the lab where they study Ebola. They use REALLY strong cello tape on that one.

I’m thinking that since they ‘study’ rare infectious diseases they might want to spring for actual door seals before we all get caught in the plot of a Stephen King novel.

Have a, cough cough, nice, hack , day. Achoo.

Dogwoman

I Know I’m Terrorized. Aren’t You?

Hello.

The asshat government of our esteemed country is debating whether or not to take a name off the terrorist list.

It would seem this man is a known terrorist.

That’s right. The U.S. has Nelson Mandela on it’s list of terror suspects. The ANC was considered a terror organization because it used armed force. Against a government that was killing it’s citizens with impunity and perpetrating genocide. And it’s the ANC they objected to, not Mandela himself. A man who has never raised a hand to punish those who falsely imprisoned him for 27 years.

It would seem that the U.S. forgot to remove his name earlier and now there are those who are rushing to push a bill through congress to see  that it’s done before his 90th birthday next month.

Honestly, what’s he going to do? Smile someone to death ? Speak rationally and patiently until the other side shoots themselves out of embarrassment?

Mandela is 90 years old and not in the best of health. However, he is one of very few voices of calm in an otherwise chaotic world. His various foundations have helped thousands of people. Not only should he not be on the Terrorist Suspects list, he should receive a very public apology for the lapse.

Of course, he’d probably just smile and pat our government on the shoulder and tell them it’s ok, he understands, but thank you for removing him from the list, he really appreciates it.

Yeah, all that warmth and kindness can be really scary.

Dogwoman

Thank You For Your Reply.

Hello.

Dear Senator Carl Levin,

In response to the recent arrival of a form letter regarding the war in Iraq.

Bullshit.

If in fact you are fiercely against the war as you imply in said form letter you would stop voting to fund said war without restrictions. You would stop handing our Puppet President a blank check to continue the Iraqi diaspora and the needless deaths of our soldiers.

Please don’t tell me that it’s all the fault of the Iraqi government. When did they ask us to descend on their country and demolish their infrastructure? And why should they be responsible for the mess we created?

So thank you for your reply but why don’t you take your form letter fold it into three corners and shove it up your ascot?

 

Dogwoman

When Bad Agencies Go Worse Part 2

Hello.

New Orelans: Give us back our supplies, numb nuts.

FEMA: Oops. Our bad.

New Orleans: Heard you get some levee problems along the Mississippi. Good luck with that, jerks.

Dogwoman