Are You Gonna EAT That?

Hello.

I was thinking about an incident this year. While teaching at a school for the Cognitively Impaired I came across a woman with no sense of humor. A speech therapist so green she refused to joke with the students because it might not be politically correct. Trust me, these students are funny and have a great sense of humor. One of the aides for the class I was working in felt sorry for her because she had no friends. The aide wanted to take her out to dinner. The problem was this ST was apparently heavily into organic food. I suggested a local restaurant that caters to vegans, raw foodists and only serves organic food. When I suggested it to the ST, she went off. And by off, I mean I was grilled mercilessly for fifteen minutes. How do I know it’s organic food? She asked with a sneer that suggested reasons why she might not have any friends. I responded with “Uh, I personally have never eaten un-organic food. Plastic doesn’t digest well.” She was not amused. Eventually, I gave up and offered her a flip response about being a run of the mill vegetarian and walked away. I don’t feel bad about it either.

I couldn’t care less what other people eat. And that’s the way it should be. Yet, if you mention having a diet different from what most people consider normal, oy vey! Suddenly you are the weirdo with the salad, wearing hemp sandals, about to offer a speech on why a Prius is the only car to drive. And all the omnivores will gang up on you, pelting you with bacon and reasons why you shouldn’t be so strange.

I’ve been vegetarian on and off for over twenty years. I can go either way. I’m a food swinger you might say. I prefer a vegetarian lifestyle. I feel better and my weight doesn’t fluctuate so wildly. Less Giantess. However, I live in a house of carnivores who will snarl if not regularly thrown carcass. Sometimes it’s an eat it or starve situation. Eh, whatever.

What I don’t understand are those who feel their entire moral being is tied to what they eat or don’t eat. They want a medal and a standing ovation for not chewing the fat. PETA comes to mind here, as do several celebrity vegans. It’s food. Fuel for the body to make sure you can get from here to there without passing out from lack of nutrients.

I’ve never seen a vegetarian diet as all that strange or abnormal. I just take the veggies and leave the ham behind. It’s a choice. No wailing needed. Those, like our speech therapist un-friend, who set up social barriers with regards to their eating habits, have issues. Deep, therapy required, issues. I think for them it’s less about health than about identifying with a group. Perhaps a need to feel as though they belong and thus are morally superior. They’re not, just more difficult to please and less pleasant to talk to. And I hate it that I regularly get confused with these people.

I don’t belong to PETA. Not because I don’t like animals. I do. Particularly the fuzzy ones who bark you awake at 4 am because they need to pee. I don’t support PETA because I couldn’t consciously support a group that rants on about animal cruelty and regularly euthanizes more animals than the Humane Society. Hypocrites.

I won’t talk you ear off about harmful chemicals in your food, become rhapsodic about the benefits of a soy based diet, or shriek in horror when you steam a vegetable. I just don’t care enough, I’m afraid.

Eat what you want. Leave the attitude at home.

And if you see me with a giant plate of Baba Ghnoush, you really don’t have to stop and tell me what you think it looks like I’m eating. Honestly.

Dogwoman

Uncommon Idea

Hello.

I keep reading about the world wide food crisis. It sounds awful. Oh wait, it is awful but I have revolutionary idea that might help.

STOP MAKING FUEL OUT OF THE COMMODITIES THAT PEOPLE NEED TO EAT.

I know that this position will perhaps make me even less popular than I currently am, but it’s chance I am willing to take. Especially when one considers that we have a huge ball of self renewing energy in the sky that has proven itself more than capable of helping out. Oh and that little thing that sweeps down from the hills from time to time freshening our lives and creating the perfect ambiance might be useful too.

Yes, there are obstacles. Problems like, no one wants to pay for the conversion. Cheap is not helpful. If they can ask us to pay extortionist prices for gas while simultaneously starving entire populations to create new fuels, they can invent a supersolar conductor with their 900 bajillion dollar oil profits.

Ridiculous. When are we going to get mad enough to capsize this incredible ship of fools ?

Because these things don’t need to happen, we just let them.

Dogwoman

The New Van Diemens Land

Hello.

So your 17 year old son or daughter had decided they don’t want to join the military to get experience and see the world (i.e. eat sand in Iraq). That’s ok. The Government is not worried because they have a whole new resource they can tap into for bodies recruits.

Sex offenders, murders, burglars and others of the conduct disordered variety are now getting their chance to give back to society. They’re getting a one way ticket to Iraq.

That’s right, the American government is taking the advice of comedian Bobcat Golthwait and sending criminals to do our fighting for us. As Bobcat pointed out “These are the men with experience”.

If this little plan to avoid a draft works out our prisons should be empty by 2019. Excellent.

Of course, there might be a few discipline problems. They are using men who couldn’t abide the rules of an open society and thrusting them into a system that has rules for everything, including when and how to eat.

Oh well.

That’s the price you pay for governing with your head firmly entrenched up your ascot.

Dogwoman

I Know A Place You Can Stick Your Brand

Hello.

If you turned your lights out for an hour on Saturday, I weep for you.

Earth Hour was a sneaky little trick pulled by business entrepreneurs to Brand a political movement.

So was the collection of world wide rock concerts sponsored by the Man in Green, Al Gore.

So is the Red Program

So is any charitable or humanitarian movement in which anyone in a suit whose lips move faster than the rest of them is involved.

Branding is a pandemic.

There is a rush to slap a label on everything in an attempt to market to the overcrowded market. However, if what is being branded is a movement or a humanitarian group or goal, then it’s taking the whole point of that movement or goal and flushing straight down the potty. People are fickle and don’t really like to be told how to feel about issues. Many of the ‘new’ movements are emotionally driven. The pros and cons of each should be left up to the individual, not the corporation. It is lazy to allow a politician or rock star or dot com executive to tell you what to think. People should think for themselves. And many do.

Contrary to popular thought, branding things like Global Warming is actually counterproductive. Yes, it gets more attention but it’s usually negative attention. Rational people are less likely, despite what slick charts tell you, to engage in an activity that has a corporate brand on it. Those who jump through these politically driven hoops tend to be younger and less focused or older and concerned what others think of them.

Politicians love brands because it tells them exactly what to do. Corporations love brands because they can direct their marketing at target audiences, like children. Everything from music groups to art galleries have hired marketing strategists to create a brand that will get noticed. That’s why Amy Winehouse and Lindsy Lohan have recording contracts. They’re not good, they’re just easy.

I think of it this way. The only thing that should be branded is cattle. And only so ranchers can tell one cow from another.

If the powers that wanna be begin branding things like Global Warming or international charities people will be less likely to take them seriously. It is seen as a way to get the attention of children or the hopelessly insecure.

As for Earth Hour, well uh, my house is always lit up as though the Mother Ship has just landed. I like to think of it as a beacon in the darkness of mooing ignorance that surrounds us all. My husbands thinks of it as a condition called ‘Childitis’ i.e.: that act of having children who won’t turn off the light when they leave a room. Sigh.

Dogwoman

Nothing To Lose

Hello.

Credit crisis. Rising Gas prices. Rising food prices. Inert and unwilling lawmakers.

These are some of the problems facing America today. While it may seem that these are loosely connected in some vague way they are in fact directly related.

Banks made loans to low income people at what are termed ‘predatory rates’. This means that the bank knew the homeowner couldn’t pony up the dough and was just waiting for the time they must foreclose. Then they could sell the house to another ‘low income homeowner’ and start the cycle all over again. Using this method they could make thousands of dollars off one house and the average yutz. Pretty slick. Too bad so many banks started getting in on the action. By using the idea of the American Dream against regular Joes, like you and I, the banking industry has crashed our economy.

It’s not just the lending strategy, it’s the hiding of assets and debit that has been going on since 2000. The banks have been playing fast and loose with numbers off the books. Things that we never hear about like derivatives and the resurgence of hedge funds and private equity funds.

What puzzles me and makes me wonder is why the Government is bailing out the banks.

The Government should be bailing out the homeowner. I thought is was the general duty of the Government to help those who have been harmed by the amoral practices of businesses which it is supposed to regulate. Like Banks. I had no idea the Government was in place to bail out the banks who instituted these policies after Slick Willy signed Bank deregulation into law in 2000, just before he skated out the White House door. Guess he was hoping we wouldn’t notice.

With the credit industry crashing on a global scale NOW bank officers are crying foul. “Oh we should have seen that” Oh fuck off, you did see it, but your profits were more important than those who might be harmed. Like everyone not on the Board.

The bankers who brought you the Savings and Loan disaster of the eighties have now brought you the World Wide Credit Crunch. And they have no plans to change any of their policies once our Fed bails them out.

Thanks to them gas and food and housing prices are soaring because the billions in tax payer dollars that should be going to restructuring programs are going into the coffers of banks. The Government is using our money to bail out the banks who raped our communities. And the lawmakers sit back and yawn and rake in the campaign contributions from these bastards while rubber stamping their poor policies.

Why not? They’ve got nothing to lose.

I really hate that.

Dogwoman

It’s All About Perspective

Hello.

In the news today, Our President says the economy is not in a recession, waterboarding is not cruel and unusual, and John McCain is the right man to succeed him.

In other news, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are suing for social security, citing that they’ve been at it for over a hundred years and feel it might be time to retire. Dick Cheney startles the media as he admits he meant to shoot his friend in the face, stating that ‘he was talking so much he was scaring the quail away. I had to do it. I went there to shoot something, it was either him or the birds.” Condaleeza Rice leaves her post to become a burlesque dancer and Steve Jobs unveils a new disposable product called the iGiveup which targets the new generation of apathetic high school students. The new product does nothing useful, provides no method of interfacing with the rest of the world and merely stares back at the user with a slightly snarky look. When bored with the new product students can throw it away and buy a new one.

Hey, it could happen, because according to the Super Genius who runs this country, I’m not really writing this blog , you’re not really reading it, and Pinnochio always was a real boy.

Moron.

Dogwoman

Book ‘Em Danno

Hello.

There’s a boycott going on, didn’t you know?

Muslim States are boycotting the Paris Book Fair because the guest of honor is Israel.

It’s a book fair. A collection or gathering of writers and publishers. Not a G8 convention. It’s asinine to boycott books because the GOH is a hotbed of political controversy. I’m thinking that if the flyleaf were on the other cover this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s another attempt to politicize an event to make a point. Okay, point made. Move on.

What a terrible thing to happen to writers from countries like Morocco, Iran, Lebanon. Here in America, we don’t get a lot of exposure to World Lit, even if we take the class in college. World Lit class gives us books like Things Fall Apart and Night. Both very good books but, surely we could use some of the North African writers or Norwegian writers or Arab writers. But no. If I want a book by a non American writer I have to sign into Amazon with a fake accent. Most current American ‘Literature’ is crap. To my way of thinking James Patterson is not a writer, he’s a man with a formula and a business plan. I went walking through a bookstore recently and found that seventeen books in the A-L section had the word Daughter in the title. American writers have become so crap they can’t even think of their own titles anymore. We need World Lit writers. Desperately. Please.

My point is, Book Fairs, be they in Paris, London, Turin or elsewhere are there to bring new writers and old writers into a place where literature can be examined openly and not sotto voce in a tiny tea room or remote artists’ loft. Boycotting only hurts the writers. And if a country wants to gain a political foothold, they should stop gagging the very people who can make that happen for them. To issue a boycott for political reasons in a realm where exceptional lying is a way of life just seems a bit oxymoronish. While writers can write about political issues, politics, historically, has never been allowed to decide the moment for writers. Well, except the Salman Rushdie thing, but that’s over so, why dwell?

I’m thinking that the political movers and shakers in this day of bland unexciting news reporting have forgotten a very important point. Writing is an art form. It’s art.

And it takes a small mind to tell an artist that they can’t show their work because they don’t like what the artists from another country have to say.

Dogwoman

I Took What ? Ironic Monday Rides Again

Hello.

A news report has outed several hip hop artists as users of steroids and growth hormones. Mary J. Blige, Wyclef Jean, 50 Cent….

Uh. Apparently they are using them for the anti aging properties. Too bad they are not working. This kind of lunacy I do not understand. Growth hormones are unregulated. The drugs are supposed to be for people suffering from rare disorders related to the pituitary gland. Not for the vanity of overpaid self indulgent performers. However, if a male performer wants to sing soprano and a female wants a little more alto, hey, what can you do.

Of course with growth hormones, nifty diseases like diabetes can suddenly develop along with exacerbation of any existing conditions such as cancer. So really, its a population control device.

You know, I can’t even think of a suitable stinging angry giantess analogy here that would poke fun at these people. It’s just sad. How childish and fearful of a perfectly natural cycle do you have to be to allow some quack to swan into to you ostentatious abode and inject you with an unregulated substance just to look younger than you are ?

And regardless of how the press is presenting it I don’t think it’s just the Hip Hop/R&B artists. I’m willing to bet it’s anyone in the entertainment business with too much money and a few years under their belt.

So for Ironic Monday here’s your thought:

Are these are the same people who won’t eat American beef because of the growth hormones being given to livestock? They’d rather pay some high priced drug dealer to inject it directly than wait to get it in their porterhouse.

Honestly.

Dogwoman

Win At Any Kost

Hello.

I just came across a post at the Daily Kos stating that Michigan voters should vote for Mitt Romney because it would screw the Republicans. And since our votes don’t count anyway, what’s the harm?

The harm is:

1.Why would would we want to duplicate Republican tactics that say “win at any cost” ? Emulating shysters makes one into the very thing one is fighting against.

2. I hate Mitt Romney. If we really wanted to screw with Republicans we should vote for Giuliani.

3. I have to live with myself after the election, you know. And one can only take so many showers in a day.

4. There isn’t a Republican candidate that stands a holy hell’s breath of chance at winning the Presidential election. Honestly, President Rommney? Huckabee? McCain might give a a good run but he’s crazy and a liar, so no. And even the Republicans know it.

So thanks Kos, but no thanks. And stop encouraging your readers to participate in this nonsense. It’s a smokescreen. The Kos backs Obama, who is not on the ballot in Michigan. They wouldn’t want Hilary to win Michigan by much of a margin. Between the inevitable write ins and other factors it’s possible to crush and dismiss a Clinton win in Michigan.  What better way to avoid that little faux pas than to ask us to vote for a Republican candidate?

I’m not buying what you are selling.

Dogwoman

Hold The Phone: Breaking News

Hello.

Here’s a version of The Post That WordPress Ate.  I hope it found my words magically delicious.

In a startling turn of events something so momentous has occurred that I must, in the interests of all who follow such things closely, note it here. Joining the ranks of high profile journalists everywhere, Naomi Campbell is taking her turn at GQ. Her very first interview is with none other than that denizen of public works and self proclaimed martyr, Chavez. Always asking the hard hitting questions, she came at him with all manicured claws bared by asking the important questions: Does he ever go topless and who does he think is the best dressed dictator ?

It’s good to know that she’s not just phoning it in. That her experience as a day laborer has helped her hone her perceptions to a knife’s edge. Naomi is taking it to the streets and aren’t we glad we didn’t miss out.

Certainly this is more important than say, the media hordes attacking Hilary Clinton like a group of bloodied hens. A spurious pecking party predicting the demise of the only female candidate is much less important than whether or not Chavez thinks Bush is nuts. He is, but that’s not the point. The point is, Ms. Campbell got Chavez to say it in a national magazine. Whoa Nelly. Isn’t she a spitfire? Of course, Chavez has been calling Bush a lot of things for the past few years, some of them unprintable.

So everyone rush out and buy a GQ. One wouldn’t want to miss out on the most important topic around the water cooler. And nothing gets our attention faster than a rambling interview between an emotionally truncated brat and a schizophrenic with unlimited power. Good times, those.

A bit of advice for future interviewees of Ms. Naomi: Practice ducking just in case you say something she doesn’t like.

Dogwoman