Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

Gimme Back My Bottle


Got a cold? A terrific headache? A random old person muscle pain?

Well, screw you! SUFFER!

The FDA wants to make medications that contain acetaminophen by prescription only.

Because Americans can’t read labels. Because we need the FDA to tell us what to do and how to live. Because rational decisions should never be left to the great unwashed.

So if I have the flu and I want to grab something to relieve my symptoms, because 1600 people annually refuse to believe the dosage limits, I have to pay to see a doctor, and inflated prices to get it from a pharmacy?

It as great big scheme. A definite money maker to be sure. Everyone gets a twinge or a headache. I don’t know too many people in my line of work who don’t carry pain relievers on their person. Usually giant bags of it . That doesn’t mean we’re tossing them back with abandon or snarfing them down every fifteen minutes. The reason people overdose is because they are impatient or have not taken the meds with enough water to make them break down and begin to work. Those are the Morons who should  have every one of their decisions monitored. The rest of us can read. And think. And function quite well without 24 hour supervision by a government agency known for corruption and kickbacks, thank you.

Stop trying to regulate us to death. We don’t need a bloated group of greedy bastards to determine the collective level of common sense. Americans are smarter than we are given credit for. Well, mostly. Our politicians are making it hard to back up that statement but the rest of us are just fine. Mostly.

Hey here’s an idea, why don’t we start actually regulating the regulators?  The FDA pretty much does as they please in the interest of ‘public health’. As long as it will inflate their bank account.

If they’re so good at their  job why is there a never-ending supply of E. Coli in our food?  They are the FOOD and Drug Administration aren’t they? Start there zipperheads and then worry about Grandpa choking down a Tylenol for his back pain.




One might think that such things as a world wide, excruciatingly slow, collapse of financial markets, abnormally violent weather and Sarah Palin appearing on Saturday Night Live might be a sign that the end is near, but, no.

The true sign of the times is a book. A giant glossy book with pictures of Bono, Angelina Jolie and Nelson Mandela. No, it’s not a book of past Vanity Fair articles. It’s the Bible.

That’s right, some enterprising Swede has come up with a Bible that catches the eye. For all of those who think there are just too many words and not enough shallow glitz in their scripture, this Books’ for you.

Now, honestly. Isn’t this a bit like the Devil printing his own version? I can see how it might bring comfort to those who wander about their McMansions feeling lost. How inspiring to look down and see a bible that has pictures of your friends splashed throughout it. Ahh, warms the cockles of a shriveled greedy heart, so it does.

But then there is the rest of us, you nutters. Also, it could just be me but isn’t putting pictures of wealthy capitalists in the bible a bit sacrilegious? I was taught that greed of any kind was against the teachings. I took that to mean greed not only for money but also attention, among other things. Is the world not plastic enough? Does there really need to be a celebribible?

And what’s with the implied eyebrow piercing? What is that supposed to symbolize exactly?

The author grandly points out that all of the books are layed out like magazine articles.

Great, what’s next an interactive Bible with Fox News headlines scrolling across the bottom?

Some people have waaayyyyyy too much time on their hands. And should probably put down the crack pipe.


Legislating Dystopia: Huxley Is Laughing


Today I am having a fit of moral curiosity. It could happen, stop laughing.

As our culture endures a rather lengthy shake up and restructuring due to gas prices and food costs, I’ve noticed something. The government in the background is trying to legislate morality. They are going about it much more forcefully than ever before.  They are in the process of trying and potentially winning a battle to make nicotine a governmental regulated drug. Recently legislation was presented to make female contraceptives on par with abortion.

Why is this being allowed? Is it because we the people lack the common sense to live up to high moral standards or have we just stopped trying? In a culture that excoriates anyone who attempts to live outside the consumer mentality and exonerates greedy corporations for what amounts to illegal activities it is not a surprise that we no longer care. No one is listening. We are not being heard.

At some point being a gansta became the highest achievement teens will reach for. I say this, not because of flimsy media reports, but because that is what the students tell me. So, instead of looking beyond, they look around this country and feel that since it cannot be fixed in any meaningful way they will glorify defiance and violence. And that is where many inner city teens live. Not all of them mind you, but many of them.

And the adults are losing hope as well. We are losing the feeling that this government is for the people. As oil companies take in record profits on the backs of working Americans, many of whom are losing their homes, what is there to makes retain any hope for the future? Apparently nothing.

That being said, do we need government to regulate our personal habits? After allowing greed and gluttony to rule the last eight years what right does the Bush administration have to decide what we do with our lives?  They are trying to tell us who we can sleep with, while Republicans and evangelist ministers are indicted for prostitution and fraud. They are trying to tell us how to have fun, while Legislators are indicted for sexual harassment and fixing the judicial branch to reflect their groups’ philosophy. And more importantly, they are trying to tell us what we should believe in. By passing care for the poor directly into the hands of protestant churches and giving them government funding, by defining what a human being is using a 2000 year old book and repeatedly failing at passing new marriage laws aimed at keeping out non-traditional families, our government is trying to force this country to move backwards rather than forwards.

This moral legislation ideology will only last as long as the current crisis. Once Bush and his cronies no longer have their boot heels on the throats of ordinary citizens there will be a backlash. One has only to look at periods of history to see this. And it will not be good. Our society is in the midst of a shake up, a change. It happens every 65-70 years or so. Social patterns change and grow. Not everyone will engage in the change and not everyone will appreciate the new direction. However, it is coming, and it is coming faster than most of us realize.

To legislate personal choice is a violation of not just the constitution but the section of the constitution that guarantees us the ‘pursuit of happiness’. To look over the neighbors fence and decide that their idea of happiness is just a bad choice is ludicrous. We do not all engage in the same behaviors. Nor should we.

I, for one, would find no pleasure in living in a dystopian society in which everyone is expected to behave the same way at the same time, all the time.

Would you?


What I Want To Be When I Grow Up:Clear Channel’s Bitch


In my ever constant bid to find new things to do with my life I have decided to emulate Rush Limbaugh.

I am going on an opiate bender starting today. While secretly becoming addicted to hillbilly heroin I will rant and scream about how drug offenders  are getting off easy. I will invent new words to tar good people with, like right wing nuts and Repubinazis. I will increase my readership by being a non-researching fat bastard with just enough intelligence to sound plausible. Then once my illegal activities come to light and I am indicted, I will cry and apologize. I won’t spend one day in jail either. Not like real drug offenders. Then I will get a cochlear implant that makes the world sound fuzzy and mechanical and revive my interrupted career. If I am as lucky as Rush, I will get a gazillion dollars from a right wing music conglomerate that has also been indicted by the Federal Government to spew my vitriol across the net and airwaves until 2016.

That’s my plan.

Who knew that being a complete asshat would be so profitable?


American Intervention


They have found prescription drugs in our drinking water. All kinds of drugs. Things like anti-convulsants, heart meds, cholesterol meds, mood stabilizers (that’s Xanax to you and I) and pain killers (yea Oxycontin!).

According to Deep Throat sources, we take the drugs, we pee, we flush and away it goes. Our heavily medicated urine ends up in a waste treatment plant where all that stuff is supposed to be removed. Guess not.

Of course they have no idea what kind of effect this has on the general population.

Here’s what I think. It certainly explains a lot. All of those high level execs who have been abusing Oxycontin have ruined it for the rest of us.Their slurring piss has caused us all to become a little foggy and extremely apathetic, a condition known as Oxy Apathy. So now we’re all addicted, whether we know it or not, to Oxy. That’s why we really drink so much water. And why our president keeps making crap decisions.

We’re high.

We need a Global Intervention.

All of the other countries can get together in a badly furnished room and talk about how great we used to be before the water. They can decided not to give us any more attention, love or bank credit. Then they will trick us into meeting with all of them. Canada can be the Mom and Great Britain can be the Dad. Switzerland can be the Interventionist because, frankly, they are the most rational country in the world. Russia can be the pissed off cousin who just sits there looking sulky and acting like a club bouncer trying not to cry. Each country can read us a letter about how they miss the old America, how much they love us and just want us to get help. We will sit there defiant, clutching our water bottle, sobbing and denying that we have a problem. Our hair will be completely messed up and we’ll look like we haven’t slept in days. Eventually we will cave and agree to go to a treatment center. They will send us to California to dry out but we won’t stay the full ninety days. Soon we will be living on the streets trying to get enough water to keep up our habit.

So sad.

It’s best not to think about this as you make tea or coffee. How you you’re not just drinking tea or coffee but also some shmo’s recycled Dilantin or Rush Limbaugh’s gently used Oxy.

Hmmm, cheer or vomit, you decide.