Archive for the ‘envy’ Category

A Brief Lesson in Relativity For Europeans

Hello.

Gas prices are supposed to be going down soon. Apparently OPEC has decided to increase production. I got to thinking about the news stories I read in European newspapers that think it’s funny to listen to Americans complain so loudly about gas prices. We are spoiled, they say. We just want something for nothing, they chide. While that may be true, let’s look at it from the perspective of relativity.

America is a giant country. Humongous. Ginormous. Smaller than the African continent but bigger than Europe. The only country that approaches us in size is Canada and most of their land is frozen. Land totals looks something like this:

U.S. 3,717,812.82 Sq miles.

UK 94,526.53 Sq miles

Ireland( including the North) 32,602.2 Sq. miles

France 211,209.46 Sq.miles

See? We could fit the European countries inside our country and still have room leftover for the pacific Islands and most of the Middle East. When American maps give sizes for European countries they list the state that matches it next to the totals just so we can understand how tiny they are. By the way, Ireland matches West Virginia and the UK is a fraction smaller than Oregon..

That said, we are a nation that, like melted butter, likes to spread out. Our roads are big. Driving time wise, let’s say that if you were to drive non stop from Michigan to Florida it would take about 112 hours. To get from one end of my state to another it takes 12 hours, if you don’t stop to pee or visit the Mystery Spot. And there is a very scary bridge that connects the top to the bottom. So one needs time to steady ones nerves before crossing it. I recommend Bob’s Whitefish House and Bar in Mackinaw city.

Now that size is established, let’s talk about gas prices. In America, we measure gas by the gallon. We could use metric but frankly, sometime in the 70’s we got bored with it and dropped the whole idea. It’s 2.2 gallons to the litre. So at three dollars a gallon it would be little more than six dollars to the litre. About what Europe pays right now, give or take. If you’re paying more than seven you are totally getting ripped off and should have a riot. Okay, now for conversion. The dollar is considerably lower than the Euro, so let’s see, it should be about 56,874 dollars to the Euro. So while those overseas are paying six euro to the litre we’re paying over 100,00 dollars per gallon. See, we pay way more than Europeans do for gas and we have farther to go.

It’s a crying shame.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take out a third mortgage on my house to get to work this morning. Y’all have a nice day now, ya hear.

Dogwoman

The Fact Is…..

Hello.

I love a little online fighting as much as the next disgruntled blogger. Who doesn’t like to sit in front of their machine and watch adults verbally slug it out while throwing back copious cups of joe? No one. We love it.

What I love is the multitude of facts everyone slings around to back up their position. These days the truth is like a bible quote. You can pull a fact out of your ass and it probably isn’t far off. One fact says one thing and another says the complete opposite. Take for example the fight between Michael Moore and Dr. Gupta from CNN. Gupta’s main problem with the film Sicko seems to be the facts. Although Moore’s facts are not really that different from Gupta’s own fact finding mission, Gupta cites that Moore’s are taken from different sources therefore they are ‘fudged”. Okay that’s kind of crap, but that’s not really my point. My point is Gupta uses the idea that his facts are the correct ones to insinuate that Michael Moore is a liar. And so does everyone who has an axe to grind.

With information so easy for everyone to access, the truth is a moving target. What is true for one person may not be true for another. But thanks to the Internet, we can all find facts to back up our point of view. I’m a leftist and I tend to find ‘facts’ that support my personal ideals, like Bono is a miscreant, George Bush is useless in any official capacity and Ted Haggard is gay. However, the right wingers out there can find things that back up their point of view, like Bono could be the messiah, George Bush is doing a great job and Ted Haggard is gay.

Facts are no longer the property of the intellectual elite. They are public property and the public, as they do, is tramping about looking for ones they like. There is no longer any standard of measurement for truth as Edward R. Murrow would have known it. Now it’s an information free for all and anyone can use the ‘fact’ to make a claim or state a position, even if it’s completely bogus. Look at the conservatives who are worried about the American Psychiatric Association stating that homosexuality is a natural state and can’t be ‘cured’ or changed. Those conservatives have facts and we all know they’re full of shit.

No really, it’s a fact. FOS, all of them.

Dogwoman

A Random Poll

Hello.

Here at the ‘House I thought we’d try something new. I thought we’d set up a poll so my six readers could voice their opinion on important topics of the day.

Like today.

Today’s poll question is:

What is more important to you as an American: The debate in Congress over a timetable for troop withdrawal OR a peroxide stick figure and her monosyllabic husband relocating to Hollywood  and taking a series of racy (for America) photos for a magazine only Hollywood wives read?

Hmmm?

Dogwoman

Just A Note

Hello.

Dear King President Bush,

In light of your sagging approval rating, which I believe has reached an all time low of 26%, I would ask you to stop using the phrase “American people”. As in, “I think it is unacceptable to the American people”… or “I think I speak for the American people…” The use of this phrase implies that you are somehow in tune with the emotions of the common people of America. Which clearly you are not.

Were you at all concerned with the ‘American people’ you would pass the current bill before you which limits the amount of time we need to spend in Iraq. The American people want our troops to come home quickly and safely. The American people want answers about a failed invasion.The American people would like to be proud of our country once again.

You appear to have no clue as to what the ‘American people’ want. Although you are very clear on what the 26%, whom I can only assume constitute your staff and other obscenely wealthy Republicans, want. They want to remain in Iraq indefinitely. Why not? They don’t have to hear a listing of soldiers from their town who died in Iraq every night on the local news. They don’t have to watch people cringe whenever a co-worker talks about their child serving in Iraq or not coming home.

So Mr. Bush, in an effort to salvage some dignity, please stop using that particular phrase. I can attest to the fact that as an ‘American person’, you do not speak for me.

I speak for me and I say “Sign the damn bill.”

Dogwoman

Dress to Kill

Hello

I’ve always loved those images of beautiful women sweeping down grand staircases wearing lovely, flowing dresses. Those models make the clothes they are wearing look so elegant, it makes me want to run to the nearest dress shop. Sadly, I should never be allowed in one of them.

See, I just can’t wear a dress and look like anything but a bag lady. Quasimodo in Dior if you will. Most women can pull it off. I, however, do not have a body that willingly cooperates with the general idea of a dress. I end up looking all bunchy and misshapen. There isn’t a designer on the planet who could make something I couldn’t effectively ruin. I’m more Moss than Kate. I won’t go into how those tiny strappy shoes look on my giant over sized feet. Let’s just say there is a reason they don’t make attractive shoes in size 11.

My dilemma is that a friend will be getting married in the next year or so and that means, gulp, dress shopping. Not just for one, no, I’m going to need two, maybe three. Makes me want to weep.

I’m too young for the pantsuit. Which sucks, because I could pull off some bright blue polyester old lady clothes. I’ve got mad old lady skills. I’m almost certain I was born cranky and overbearing. It’s just taking a while to catch up in years. It would help if said friend was also the type who didn’t look good in a dress but yes, she looks good in everything she puts on. You know the type. They get crawl out of bed, throw on whatever happens to be on the floor and voila, fabulous. She could actually be one of those staircase models. Secretly, I’m completely jealous, but don’t tell her.

I’m hoping if I start now, I might find something that won’t have the other guests ushering me toward the bell tower.

It’s going to be a long year.

Sigh.

Dogwoman