Archive for the ‘Gross’ Category

Seriously?

Hello.

Because I like to read and hear what people have to say, including people I think are nuts and need 24 hour care, like, oh, I don’t know, ..Rush Limbaugh, I go to their websites. It’s always an eye opener. It makes me wonder why we tolerate these hate mongers. If you were to believe everything on Limbaugh’s site, it would seem Barak Obama is the cause of every problem the United States is currently facing. And apparently , if you believe this guy, Obama is single handedly destroying the American Middle Class.

Sorry Rushie McRushenstein, that was accomplished by Bush and Cheney.

I understand restoring civil rights and attempting to try to keep Campaign promises  can be very scary to people like yourself  for whom that which is different is an aberration rather than a celebration but,

 Seriously??

Take for instance the post from yesterday, which was about Sarah Palin trying to keep the limelight by using her own daughter and arbitrary comments made by David Letterman as a vehicle. Rushie the Deaf by Opiates McTruth Twister somehow tried to twist this into somehow being Obama’s fault. Because Comedians only go after Republicans. Never Democrats. Certainly never Chelsea Clinton. No, noooo, no way. In much the same way Palin’s daughter’s lauded pregnancy suddenly became ‘statutory rape’ when it was convenient.

Rush Limbaugh is anything but the voice of reason. He’s just another hate pusher. He’s an emotional drug dealer for those who are afraid of anything different than that which they deal with on a daily basis. I’ve noticed he’s not pushing that War on Drugs anymore.  Oh right, we’re supposed to feel bad for him for being the best and brightest hypocrite of all time.  Like Martha Stewart. Why are those two not married?  And while I contend that we all have a bit o’ the hypocrite inside of us, I refuse to exonerate a guy who spews forth some of  the craziest ideas I’ve ever heard in an effort to smear people who are at least doing something to fix the mess Bush left behind.

All Rush is doing is sitting on his enourmous ass and whining.

Even I can do that.

In fact I’m doing it right now while playing a game and listening to Radiohead.

See, it’s not that hard.

 

Dogwoman

Underdog

Hello

Poo is not the only thing that gets picked up in New York. According to this article a dog was sucked in to a street cleaner and the only thing the Sanitation Department would say is that people need to watch their dogs more closely.

The owner was watching; as the machine swept up his pet into it’s bristles.

Note to Self : No dog walking in New York until the sun is up and the streets are empty.

Dogwoman

Oh Holy Java!

Hello.

Anyone else out there ever find a hair not belonging to you or any of your household floating in your coffee?

I just did and while I am all for global expansion, I do not include body hair in my list of things I’d like to see globally expanded.

I have to go throw out my fair trade coffee and buy a new machine.

Oh, and vomit.

Dogwoman

American Intervention

Hello.

They have found prescription drugs in our drinking water. All kinds of drugs. Things like anti-convulsants, heart meds, cholesterol meds, mood stabilizers (that’s Xanax to you and I) and pain killers (yea Oxycontin!).

According to Deep Throat sources, we take the drugs, we pee, we flush and away it goes. Our heavily medicated urine ends up in a waste treatment plant where all that stuff is supposed to be removed. Guess not.

Of course they have no idea what kind of effect this has on the general population.

Here’s what I think. It certainly explains a lot. All of those high level execs who have been abusing Oxycontin have ruined it for the rest of us.Their slurring piss has caused us all to become a little foggy and extremely apathetic, a condition known as Oxy Apathy. So now we’re all addicted, whether we know it or not, to Oxy. That’s why we really drink so much water. And why our president keeps making crap decisions.

We’re high.

We need a Global Intervention.

All of the other countries can get together in a badly furnished room and talk about how great we used to be before the water. They can decided not to give us any more attention, love or bank credit. Then they will trick us into meeting with all of them. Canada can be the Mom and Great Britain can be the Dad. Switzerland can be the Interventionist because, frankly, they are the most rational country in the world. Russia can be the pissed off cousin who just sits there looking sulky and acting like a club bouncer trying not to cry. Each country can read us a letter about how they miss the old America, how much they love us and just want us to get help. We will sit there defiant, clutching our water bottle, sobbing and denying that we have a problem. Our hair will be completely messed up and we’ll look like we haven’t slept in days. Eventually we will cave and agree to go to a treatment center. They will send us to California to dry out but we won’t stay the full ninety days. Soon we will be living on the streets trying to get enough water to keep up our habit.

So sad.

It’s best not to think about this as you make tea or coffee. How you you’re not just drinking tea or coffee but also some shmo’s recycled Dilantin or Rush Limbaugh’s gently used Oxy.

Hmmm, cheer or vomit, you decide.

Dogwoman

I Took What ? Ironic Monday Rides Again

Hello.

A news report has outed several hip hop artists as users of steroids and growth hormones. Mary J. Blige, Wyclef Jean, 50 Cent….

Uh. Apparently they are using them for the anti aging properties. Too bad they are not working. This kind of lunacy I do not understand. Growth hormones are unregulated. The drugs are supposed to be for people suffering from rare disorders related to the pituitary gland. Not for the vanity of overpaid self indulgent performers. However, if a male performer wants to sing soprano and a female wants a little more alto, hey, what can you do.

Of course with growth hormones, nifty diseases like diabetes can suddenly develop along with exacerbation of any existing conditions such as cancer. So really, its a population control device.

You know, I can’t even think of a suitable stinging angry giantess analogy here that would poke fun at these people. It’s just sad. How childish and fearful of a perfectly natural cycle do you have to be to allow some quack to swan into to you ostentatious abode and inject you with an unregulated substance just to look younger than you are ?

And regardless of how the press is presenting it I don’t think it’s just the Hip Hop/R&B artists. I’m willing to bet it’s anyone in the entertainment business with too much money and a few years under their belt.

So for Ironic Monday here’s your thought:

Are these are the same people who won’t eat American beef because of the growth hormones being given to livestock? They’d rather pay some high priced drug dealer to inject it directly than wait to get it in their porterhouse.

Honestly.

Dogwoman

You Can’t Do That On YouTube

Hello.

There’s a video going around the net. I’m guessing you’ve heard about it. The title is 2 Girls 1Cup. It’s possible the most disgusting thing ever put on film. I imagine the camera was cringing and trying to get away when they forced the poor thing to film it. I managed to make it through a whopping 15 seconds before the upchuck factor set in.

Why blog about it? Not for the video itself, but for the reaction videos. Some enterprising young college student has filmed his unsuspecting friends watching it. It starts out like any respectable porn film then goes horribly, horribly awry. And that’s where the funny sets in. You’d think watching people watch a video would be boring but no, my friends, it’s hysterical. Watching world wise and intelligent young men and women run for the bathroom is a time waster worth it’s salt.

This one is my favorite. The faces the main watcher makes are priceless. And while most of the friends don’t watch even a full minute this one makes it for a full minute and twenty five. Kudos. But the best part comes at the end when another friend accidentally shows up to catch the least appealing parts. While holding what could possibly be his lunch.

If you’ve got a little time to kill and like to laugh at the discomfort of others, dial up the YouTube and type in “2girls1cup reaction”. It’s better than a night of drunken cow tipping.

Dogwoman