Archive for the ‘Lost’ Category

Bailout, Schmailout.

Hello.

I’ve managed to slip my chemical leash and I am back, ready to kick some politician butt. Rendition, my Aunt Fanny.

Just kidding. I’ve been stuck playing the never-ending literary quiz over at Goodreads.com. I just wanted to sound all spyish and less like a complete dork.

To the topic at hand: Bailout Bill.

Complete load of hooey. Expensive hooey at that.

Why would We the People want to reward greedy men and women for ignoring the warnings that have been going on for over a decade? We were told repeatedly in the early nineties that if the credit industry was not reined in this would happen. Guess what? They were right! Surprise! And since the explosion of monetary gain has been by the top three percent, why would the other 97% of us want to work harder to pay off their debt ? We don’t, so suck it Congress. We are already working like dogs just to maintain the little we have. Under no circumstances should we allow the richest people in the country to pass their debt to us. The ‘lower’ classes do not exist as a slave class to take on the burden of the greed of the upper classes.

Also, as long as I am ranting mindlessly, let me say something that has been making my fur stand on end. Why are they blaming low-income homeowners for this debacle?  There were programs instituted by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac that allowed for sustainable home-ownership for lower income families. At the time of their inception these programs were used to revitalize neighborhoods and were taken on by working class families in an economic environment that allowed people to work and see a return on that work. As mass layoffs began and income to living wage ratios fell in the last eight years, those families began to struggle under the weight of a top heavy economy. They did not, as has been postulated, take on mortgages they could not afford. They took on mortgages they could afford until gas prices, due to excessive profits, risky investments, and speculation began to spiral out of control. This spiral has led to outrageous increases in pricing for everything throughout the country. And the mass foreclosures began.

The biggest drain on our economy has been the two wars we are concurrently waging. But it seems no one wants to mention that. They’d rather point to those who can least defend themselves and blame them.

Well, I blame those who,even after the lessons learned in the Savings and Loan disaster, began creating private equity firms and hedge funds. Those two things helped spur the original financial meltdown in the 80’s. Because of  a government bail out then, the greedy bastards ignored warnings and started up all over again. Those same people should be forced to declare bankruptcy.

They should be required to be punished for their actions. Not rewarded for the pandemic of greed that has sent our country into a tailspin.

If you’d like to urge your Senator to vote no on the Bailout Bill, go here to find out who they are and send them an e-mail. If they get enough mail it might crash their system.

I’ll bet they’d get the point then.

Dogwoman

Underdog

Hello

Poo is not the only thing that gets picked up in New York. According to this article a dog was sucked in to a street cleaner and the only thing the Sanitation Department would say is that people need to watch their dogs more closely.

The owner was watching; as the machine swept up his pet into it’s bristles.

Note to Self : No dog walking in New York until the sun is up and the streets are empty.

Dogwoman

Say What?

Hello.

Today’s big long post is about magical realism vs. post modernism in new millennium film.

Just kidding.

Actually, it’s about how people use too many words to say nothing at all. I just finished reading a two page interview and when I finished, I had to go back and read it three more times. It occurred to me after I still didn’t understand what the hell was going on that, albeit, I may not be as smart as I’d like to think, I should have at least gotten a gist. Just a gist. But no. Then I realized that’s because the interviewee didn’t answer any of the interviewers questions. Not a one. And you’d think Obama would be just a little more articulate.

Now I understand why they call it spin. When you are finished listening to this garbage, you’re dizzy. And confused. And a bit pissed off.

Why does everything have to sound like a Fox newscast? Just because you have a dictionary, doesn’t mean you need to abuse it this way.

It not just political figures either. I eavesdrop all the time. And what I hear makes my internal English teacher cringe. The long winded explanations about why girl number one didn’t make it to girl number two’s party. Hey chickee, say it with flowers, would you. Because the verbal assault that is coming out of your mouth makes me want to tap dance on you. Ok, maybe not, but I usually have to move to some place quiet and rock back and forth for several minutes.

Shakespeare said that “Brevity is the soul of wit.” He should have said “Verbosity is the soul of twit”

Life is not MySpace. Stop treating every conversation like a social networking page. This means you, Hilary, Mitt, and Rudy. But most especially you Fred! Honestly, what the heck was that tirade all about anyway? Absolutely nothing, that’s what.

Sometimes, wait no, most of the time, the less countable words coming out of the mouth is better. Use precision and you won’t have to keep explaining yourself.

And OMG, textspeak is not language, it’s language reduced to the lowest common denominator.

I feel better.

Dogwoman

What I Learned After Summer Vacation

Hello.

Let’s talk about Education in the United States. It’s coming up on election time and I notice that the pundits and the candidates are so busy rattling at Iran that they have all but forgotten the next generation of pundits and candidates.

When I decided to substitute teach in an inner city district I thought I was prepared for the abuse from the students. What I wasn’t prepared for was the lack of education in our Education system. All brought to our students by two Acts. The Mainstreaming Act and the No Child Left Behind Act.

First let me say mainstreaming had good intentions. I think that is obvious but here is what it has entailed: Special education is now fragmented to the point of confusion. If I take on a Special Ed assignment I never know what I will find. Everything from students who just need a little extra tutoring to those considered severely emotionally impaired. And the Aides in these classrooms are underpaid to the point of resentment. The crux is some children do not benefit from mainstreaming, they are shoved into classes at the back of the school building and not allowed to to mix with the general population. Thus the school can claim mainstreaming when in fact these students are just as cut off from the educational process as if they had been sent to a special school. Deaf children receive the least benefit. I subbed one class where there were four deaf students and one interpreter. One. I later found out that this interpreter is paid like an aide rather than a professional with years of schooling. If you teach students who come with an interpreter, you are not allowed to call on them or in any way indicate that they are part of the class.This is always clearly indicated in their IEP. So why put them in a mainstreamed position if they cannot be treated as a part of the class? Severely Cognitively Impaired children are also put into classrooms by themselves. Often there are only three to six children in a room and not always at the same time. Again not really ‘mainstreamed’ just put in to a room in a public school building

And the act that grew out of mainstreaming does the most damage.The No Child Left Behind Act not only teaches to the test and does nothing for learning the skills of critical thinking, it separates students and is a back door way of instituting that most heinous of tactics, blocking. This is where you group the smart students in one class and the not so smart students in another beginning in Kindergarten and that is where they stay all through school right up to graduation. I see it everyday. One class will pay attention and ask questions and the next will throw paper wads and avoid the assignment like the plague. And if you want to know which class has the slow learning blocked students just ask the office personnel which is the most difficult class for that particular teacher.Without thinking they will tell you. There is no general mix of students anymore. Because the smart kids are held back by the dumb ones and the dumb ones can’t be taught anything. Which is crap. There are no dumb students, just bored, harassed and frustrated teachers. Because inner city high schools have 40+ students per class. Ever try to get forty adults to do the same thing at the same time? Well it’s worse with students because they always want to know why. But thanks to the NCLB Act, we’re not allowed to tell them if it’s not on the test.

And that’s all I have to say about that. (Actually it’s not, but I am nearing the sixty minute mark so..).

Dogwoman

The Missing Piece

Hello.

As I drag my self to the computer I always wonder to myself, “What stupid thing did the GOP do while I was unconscious ?”. Well today’s prize goes not to the Group of Old Poops. It goes to a man and his smokehouse leg.

So many questions arise from this little tale I’ve not the time to list them all. But here’s the big one: Who keeps their severed leg in a barbecue?

I know when I lose a limb, I like to give it to science, or use it to play tricks on neighborhood children. Now that’s good fun.

I guess the moral is, if you’re going to put your body parts in a storage unit, make sure you pay the fees.

Dogwoman

Just Asking For A Little Truth

Dear General Petraeus,

We’ve heard your White House induced version of the report from Iraq and now we’d like the truth, if you would be so kind. In light of the anniversary we have celebrated this week, I should think you’d be more willing to give us a precise and clear picture of the situation.

You see of all the things Americans have learned in the last eight years the ability to detect government bullshit has become the most finely tuned.

Blaming the Iraqi government and then insisting that the ‘surge’ is working but that we need to stay longer is not cutting it. Because you cannot have it both ways.

You cannot blame the Iraqi government because they are the officials our government put in those positions. In effect, you are blaming the US. (I know they were ‘elected’. But so was Bush. ) If the US is in fact to blame then immediate withdrawal is the best solution. By further claiming that we need our troops to stay longer to sustain the ‘surge’ undermines the rational completely.

It is another example of Orwellian double speak. War is not Peace. You cannot claim that by perpetuating War you will eventually instill Peace. It won”t happen no matter how many people you kill. Peace is achieved when the guns are silent.

And the addendum to this is that Americans are tired of being hit with a barrage of conflicting “reports”. We are tired of the media perpetuation of the White House official line and we are tired of officials themselves looking directly into the face of America and lying their asses off. And we know you are doing it.

So if you could just pass us a new report that actually states the truth and not gives us random mixed up crap about sending ONE BATTALION home by Christmas that would ever so appreciated.

Or you could admit you are a liar and resign. That would be appreciated as well.

Dogwoman

WWBD?

Hello.

To the person who was looking for the Google search: “what does Bono think about the Iraq war” I am here to help. ‘Cause that’s what I am about. Helping those who are lost find their way back to reality. And clearly, you are lost.

Bono doesn’t think about the Iraq war. If he does, he is very careful in much the same way Elmer Fudd once was, to never mention it. Why , you ask, why would a man who proclaims himself a Christian not have anything to say about this unholy war. Well, and this is the help part, so lean in very close, (whispering) It’s because of the money.

You see, by using his super powers of Irish Charm, he has tunneled his way into the frozen hearts of American politicians and he likes it there. It’s hard to rant about the War when the President is giving you millions of dollars for your causes. It what’s called ‘Giving to Take’. Bono gives up his integrity, mores, values, and general good name and in return takes millions from the American people who, ya know, don’t need it anyway as we are swimming about in cash. As long as he never says in a public place what a shithead idea it was to occupy Iraq, the cash cow will continue to give milk. And that’s the most important thing to Bono. Money.

So, I hope I have helped answer your question. Anytime you need clarification you come on back to the ‘House. I am there for you, man.

Dogwoman

Oh For Fu—

Hello.

At first I felt sorry for Senator Craig because it seemed as though he was being treated unfairly. Now, not so much.

It’s no wonder our country is in a tailspin. Let’s take a look at our leaders. An Attorney General who wouldn’t admit he’s a big fat liar both figuratively and literally. A Vice President who doesn’t understand basic American Government and can’t tell which branch he belongs to. A President who spends every news conference looking and acting like he was huffing twenty minutes before the Q&A. And Senators who have been struck by random multiple personality disorder.

I’m gay. I’m not gay. I did it. I didn’t do it. I quit. No, I don’t .

Senator Craig needs to call a meeting with all of his other selves in an effort to get them to agree on one central idea. I’m sure this can be difficult and there may be some compromising, but in the end at least he won’t look like a waffling hick next time he’s in the news.

And if he needs help I am sure he can always call on John McCain for help because that man has loads of experience in this area.

Dogwoman

School Daze

Hello.

I wanted to issue a blanket apology to all seven of you who come here on a regular basis looking for the mocking and satire.  My posts have been spotty because,well, it’s that time of year.

That’s right, they’re back! I am frantically getting ready for another round of angst and inattention. All of my time is spent looking for a good quality red marker. My motto is: If it doesn’t read, it must bleed.

So, as the days wear on, I hope to pick up the thread and pillory public figures for fun and amusement on a daily basis. Bear with me as we make this important change over from carefree summer days to slogging through papers that were obviously written ten minutes before class started.

Oh the Humanity!

Dogwoman

Getting A Leg Up

Hello.

I wish I had concentration like this.

Honestly, how do you not notice a missing body part?

Dogwoman