Archive for the ‘Obama’ Category

The Times, Are They A’ Really Changin’?

Hello.

Now that classes have started I don’t have a leisurely 60 minutes to write a post. Often, I am trying to get it in under 40 minutes. So it really has to be something that completely chaps my ass to motivate me to write. Today’s topic is the word “racist”.

As you my fine reader know, I am bogged in world of English. Though I may spell like crap, I still believe we as a Nation can rise above our situations and learn to use language properly.

Racist, racism.Interesting word. It implies, when you sling it at people, that the person you are referring to has a problem with the cultural origins of you the speaker.

The Dictionary definition: a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

I would like to state that at this time in history, though there have been many studies attempting to prove superiority, no particular race has come out on top. This means that no skin color or culture has won the race for best in show. Which prompts me to believe that we are all essentially the same, i.e. equal.

Republicans are sending e-mails of a highly racist nature about our President. When they get caught, they try to deny what a thinking person can clearly see. They are idiots. They are the gun-toting, beer swilling, redneck cousins of rational thinking. Oh, I am sorry, was that racist? No, because I am a white girl and I can say whatever I want about these crackers. Right?

According to Republicans Barak Obama is : racist, communist, fascist, socialist, and centrist. Christ, how does the man get through his day without collapsing under the weight of all these different ideologies? Especially considering that the last one is the only one that might be correct.

Ask yourself this, When was the last time a sitting President was called a racist by the media or sitting Senators? Never. And why is that? Yeah, exactly.

Republicans having had their time in the Big Chair are mad that their rule has ended. And like tired, whiny children the best they can do is throw a giant fit and say mean things. And perpetuate bogus rumors that hamper actual progress. Calling the PRESIDENT a liar in open session is just too much. He is not a liar. Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh  Bill O’Reilly and Republicans of their ilk, are liars. They treat the truth like a chessboard. They just move it wherever they think it will give them the most advantage. And that includes leveling charges of racism against Obama. Because it will get them more crazy Birther devotees, not because it’s true.

I am sick of hearing that word bandied about as though it were proof of something. It’s only proof that those who are using it have nothing else to sling. Barak Obama, unlike the e-mail sending Republicans, hasn’t done one thing I would consider racist. He hasn’t leveled charges of racism against anyone, he hasn’t sent revolting whitey hating e-mails, nothing.

He is trying to get health care for every American. He is making all students responsible for their education. He is trying desparately to undo the complete FUBAR mess he was left.

Do I like everything our President is doing? No, not really. I, as a SOCIALIST DEMOCRAT (that right, socialist, socialist, I said it out loud, nahnahnahnahnah), don’t agree with all of his policies. But I agree less with those who are using the thin cover of  the word ‘racist’ to cover up the reality of what they are doing. And what they are doing is trying to halt progress. By doing so, they can point at the President and say its all his fault. It’s is in fact Republicans who won’t come to the table. Republicans who are pushing a hate filled agenda. Republicans who are stalling this country and pointing fingers at everyone but themselves. It’s their only response when they can’t get what they want.

In the immortal words of Bob Dylan ” Get out of the new one if you can’t lend a hand”

Dogwoman

Anyone But That Guy

Hello.

So I noticed something about the blog as I was reading through the archives. I seem to have done a one eighty on Obama. Puzzled, I decided to take it up with my  unconscious self.

“Self” I said hesitantly “What’s up with that ?”

Self replies with irritation, face immersed in a coffee cup, ” Wha-?”

“That” I repeat pointing at an old post that invites Obama into the Hiawatha Forest to play hide and seek at midnight.

“What are you on about?” Self growls, plucking its face from the coffee cup. Clearly, it hasn’t been paying any amount of attention. Now that’s just annoying. You’d think that ones unconscious self would pay some sort of attention to what is going on in the outside world. Even if it is just so it can clobber you with it during REM sleep.

“This turn about on Obama? “I say pointing to recent blog posts “What gives? I thought we hated him?”

“Hate is an elusive theory.” Self replies, reaching for it’s cigarettes. I don”t smoke but apparently, Self does.

“Have you been reading Camus again?”

“Define Camus.” Self sneers through a rising cloud of smoke. I cough.

“Very funny. Seriously, what is up with this Obama thing.We really need to have a unified position. People will get confused. They’ll say I’m a waffler. And nothing is worse than being lumped in with John McCain.”

“That is more horrifying that either us needs to contemplate at this point in our relationship.”

Sigh. Obviously Self will not be giving straight answers today. Self never gives straight answers. Which is why my life is what it is. It’s like being trapped in a body with an aging, black beret wearing, macrobiotic eating, hippie. Quite horrible really. Especially when I consider how much I’ve always secretly wanted to be a a pro-life Republican. Self refuses on moral grounds. And occasionally too many coffee grounds.

I try one more time.

“Self” I yell ” I need a plausible explanation I can take to the people. Now!” I augment my position with a stern finger pointing.

Self regards me with that smug beatnik look I have always hated, yawns and says “Well, he’s not Bush.”

So now I know. I am, like many Social Democrats, willing to take anyone as the President as long as their last name doesn’t rhyme with mush, push, or shush. And their Vice President doesn’t rhyme with Heaney.

Sad really, I thought my reasoning my would be deeper and more complex, but alas, no.

Dogwoman

WELCOME TO THE PRESIDENTIAL DEATHMATCH

Hello and Good Evening,

A few words before we begin…

Because of limitations on my blog, as well as the excruciatingly slow nature of my computer, a few things must be clarified.

I will not be able to read comments as I blog. That should not stop anyone from making comments. During commercials I will check the comments and then comment on the comments as commentating warrants. Or whenever I have nothing to else say.

“Live” blogging will take the form of continuous posts. After the first post (i.e. this one) there won’t be anymore titles.

I will be blogging while watching NBC. Not Fox. I suspect Fox might be biased. In much the same way I suspect Liberace might have been gay.

As always, correct spelling will be optional.

This is fun. So have fun. Make fun. Especially of the candidate you don’t like. While I am a “liberal” blogger, I am also an equal opportunity satirist. All’s fair in love and politics, so have at it.

However, if you flame unreasonably I will block you. You have been warned.

And now ….. THE PRESIDENTIAL SMACKDOWN

In the Left corner we havehappyoimages

Barak Obama, a Senator from Ohio. The media frenzy over this guy has been substantial. Tonight we will see if he can live up to his press. Sure, he looks happy now, but will it last?

In the Right corner we have

happymmages1

John McCain, an old white guy from somewhere. A man whose temper and bad judgment are legendary. Let’s see if he can keep them both in check tonight. ( Is it just me or does this guy look like he’s suffering some sort of hemorrhoid attack whenever he smiles?)

By the end of the night could we be seeing this?

Or this?madmimages1

The current time is 8 pm eastern standard time, polls all over the country are now closing.

Here’s a mapstatepollclosingtimes_3

A word about the polls. Michigan is listed on this map as closing at 9pm. In reality we close at 8pm. The reason they list it as 9 is because of Iron Mountain, which has to be different and be an hour behind the rest of us. Geez.

When I voted today I had a two hour wait. This is the longest I have ever had to wait to vote. During the Primaries the wait was: ‘echo, echo, echo, anybody here???’ The Election Judges reported at that time(7pm) that a total of eighteen people had arrived to vote in th Primaries.

A word about Election Judges. They are nice people who are giving up their time to eat pastries and make sure your vote counts. Thank Them. But don’t give them gifts as that may constitute a bribe and you could end up on the Homeland Security List. In which case you wouldn’t be able to fly to Europe to live when your candidate loses. So keep it clean, people.

And we’re off…

You Say You Want A Revelation

Hello.

Early voters all over the United States are standing in line. Some are waiting as long as eight hours to cast a ballot.

Here in the Mich we aren’t allowed to vote early. Instead, we cheat by suddenly becoming absent. A great many of our voters have ‘plans’ for the 4th and have filled out absentee voter cards. This includes most of my family, a few friends, and colleagues who have to attend tomorrow’s Professional Development classes. ( I have my own thoughts on why a PD day was scheduled for election day but …). So if you are trying to get through to a Michigan business tomorrow and nobody answers, it’s because half of the Democrats State has gone missing.

So a word about how people are voting. It’s pretty much running along party lines here. Though, one of my older relatives gave me a surprise. This person is a life long Democrat. Seriously, he was born in a place rife with Republicans, attended the world’s most right wing church and somehow came out a Democrat. In 60 years of voting  he has always been the Jackass, never the Pachyderm. Until this year. He voted McCain. We had words. We always have words as he is the only one I can argue politics with who won’t try to smack me at some point in the conversation. We’re both Democrats but he is Ultra Conservative and I am more Socialist. Still, even given his conservatism I was surprised. When pressed, he said he just doesn’t trust Obama. That he doesn’t know enough about forgein policy. It seems to be the same with other Democrats who voted Republican.

I wonder though. Obama does have Biden. While McCain has Palin. A woman so hated that one town in England blew up an effigy of her yesterday. Mccain has a temper. And loose lips. So does Palin. She just says whatever comes into her empty over coiffured head. I don’t think I can look at her 1950’s hair for four years.

That said, It looks like I’m going Obama this year. I wasn’t going to vote at all but I have changed my mind. I would do anything short of voter tampering to keep McCain and his doxy out of the most powerful office in the Western world. Even though I don’t fully trust Obama either. His health plan makes no sense. He has not mentioned setting a timetable for removing our troops from Iraq. And his wife makes Hilary look like a wallflower.

There you are all of you who keep pressing me. I am no longer Undecided . I am an Obama supporting Giantess.

Good luck to both candidates and I’ll see everyone tomorrow at 8pm when Live blogging begins….

Dogwoman

I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

Hello.

Dear John McCain,

I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but you must stop using the ‘s’ word when referring to Barak Obama. The only people it’s having any impact with are those from your own party. Everyone else is laughing at you.

Are you aware that the most popular book right now was written by a man named Karl Marx? Seriously, that dry unyielding tome is flying off the shelves.

Also, being a self confessed man of the world, vastly experienced in foreign policy, you should be aware that France and Italy are both socialist countries. Italy is a mecca for social acceptance and France, aside from hating Americans on principle, has quite  a bit to recommend it.

I think you are using the word “Socialist” to mean another word that Americans fear. Communist. And the Red Scare died a few years back. So, are you attempting to call Obama a Communist without actually using the word? That’s just stupid and desperate.

In the current state of populist politics it might be best if you found another way to discredit your opponent. All you are accomplishing with your bogus ‘socialist ‘ rhetoric is jacking up Obama’s poll rankings. Which is probably not the outcome you were looking for.

I’ve got other words you might want to avoid but who has time to teach semantics to a man who hired a white trash Governor to be his running mate?

Dogwoman

Now I Know Why They Go Postal

Hello.

I’m exhausted. I’ve spent the entire weekend running away from people with clipboards. Some of them were wearing Obama shirts and some were wearing McCain shirts.  At one point I had a group of twelve year-olds literally chasing me around the laundromat. “Hey, Lady areyouregisteredtovote?”

Yes, Yes, dagnab it, I am  registered to vote. I am, I swear. I even have the card to prove it. Yes, I am a legal resident of the United States. If not, my parents have some ‘splainin’ to do.

And, No, Mr.College student who looks as though he could use a hot meal and a bath, I do not know who I am going to vote for.  That’s right, I am one of those pesky undecideds.

Now, quit showing up at my door, or following me to the grocery store, the gym, the laundromat and the Library.

I’ll tell you who I’m voting for, on November 8th.

Dogwoman

The Dog’s Advice

Hello.

Dear Dogwoman,

I am a woman in my mid forties with a busy family including the arrival of a new grandchild by my seventeen year old unmarried daughter. I am also currently running for the Vice-Presidential slot in the next election. My question is: How do I balance these responsibilities in the face of a media onslaught?

-just a barracuda

Dear Barracuda,

Being a working mom can be tough. With so many different jobs during the day one can become overwhelmed. My advice is to fly back to your home state as quickly as possible and not come out again until November 8th. This way the media has nothing to talk about and most voters will forget who you are. An air of mystery can be a good thing during a political campaign. As I always say, leave ’em guessing because confusion is always the best weapon.

Dogwoman

Dear Dogwoman,

I recently announced my Vice Presidential pick. It seemed like a good idea at the time, now however, I am having second thoughts. Apparently this chick has some unfinished business she forgot to mention during the vetting process, like a little legal problem called Trooper-Gate. Even though she is trying to avoid testifying I am afraid it will come back to bite both of us in the ass. How do I get her to dropout without looking bad?

-running on empty

Dear Running,

All of us make mistakes from time to time. It is best to try not to make them in the public eye. And definitely best not to get caught making them on YouTube.  With this in mind, once the mistake is made one must learn to live with it. I am afraid that if you bounce this person now you will look like an even bigger ass than you currently do. Best just to smile into the cameras and talk up your choice as much as possible. If you say something enough people will begin to believe it, even if it is an outright lie.

Dogwoman

Dearest Dog Woman,

We are a group of International Foreign Ministers. Recently, we had a meeting during which one of our esteemed members proposed that as a bit of fun we vote for the next U.S. President amongst ourselves.  We did, it was a laugh and things went forward. Now, unfortunately we are all being hounded, Diana-style, by the international media to reveal the winner. How do we get these vultures to back off?

_Ministers for Change

Dear Ministers,

Admit openly that your choice was Barack Obama, even if it wasn’t, and they will leave you alone.

Dogwoman

Dear Dogwoman,

I was recently fired from a news job. Well, fired is a bit extreme, more like downgraded. All because I let my opinions be known openly. And because the person they paired me with is a right wing blow hard with no morals to speak of. Seriously, this guy would sell his grandmother for air time. Is it my fault the Unites States government is full of crooked bastards with their collective grubby hands in the cookie jar? I think not. Anywho, now my employer is mad and refuses to let me finish commenting on the upcoming election. The question at large is this : How do I get back at these numb-skulls without losing my job completely?

-slave to the man

Dear Slave,

You have a serious problem. Normally I would blithely dispense advice but honestly. You should know better than to hold left leaning opinions in a world where Fox “my ticker tape is always misspelled and no one cares” News rules the roost. Right wingers, Republicans and your mother -in-law will now berate and scorn you for not being ‘neutral’ in a world where no one is neutral. The best advice I can come up with is, either continue soapboxing for the Liberals and hope Obama wins or rapaciously suck up to every Republican political figure you can. At this point neither action can do much harm. Good luck.

Dogwoman