Archive for the ‘OhThe Huge Manatee’ Category

No More Jobs?


Of all things the news spews I think the most underrated are the stories about Steve Jobs health.

Though I consider him just one step away from being the Anti-Christ, he is still human. However, he is a human who has lied through his teeth to shareholders. First it was ” No, no, I’m fine.”  Then it was “Oh well. I am on a special diet.”  Then, of course, “Oh I might have had a touch of the Cancer but I’m good now.”

Now he’s had his liver transplant which is probably an extension of the pancreatic cancer he never told anyone about.

Well bully for you, Stevie.

Why shareholders aren’t more ticked is beyond me. The entire company rests on the charisma of the grand poohbah of technology and he hasn’t the cajones to just tell the frickin’ truth. Sure he’ll mass market a ‘business plan’  that smacks of profiteering but he won’t tell the truth to the people who probably should know he’s going to drop any minute.

And he could. Pancreatic cancer is  one of  the most devastating and aggressive cancers. I watched a friend go from diagnosis to death in three weeks. It doesn’t just go “Oh you’re Steve Jobs? Sorry man, I’ll go now” It’s a hanger arounder. A, slip into your other organs and have a party, kind of cancer. It likes to travel. A lot. So give it a few months I’m sure we’ll hear about a new ‘special diet’ Jobs is on. Right before they take him in for another transplant.



How Rude-a Barracuda


The GOP has received a cease and desist letter. No not from the American people, though I think that will come, in time. They received it from Heart.  You know Heart, the seventies girl band that kicked some serious musical ass back in the day ?

It seems those arrogant crafty McCain staffers were using Barracuda as their Palin introductory song. Which would have been fine had they gotten permission to do so first. They didn’t and band members are outraged, outraged I say, at the blatant misuse of their song.

I agree completely. Of course, why would Republicans want to refer to their own candidate as a ‘Barracuda” ? A barracuda is not a nice cuddly animal. Nor is it a nice thing to call a woman. Fantastic 80’s bar fights have been fought over the use of that tag. Also does anyone remember the actual lyrics?  Aside from a few moments of clarity, it’s really confusing, although fun to sing along to. I always get lost when the porpoise comes in at the second stanza.

Is the GOP trying to say that Palin is a vicious confusing animal? That doesn’t seem like the right message to be sending at this point in time. Although with all the gossip running about the Net, it might be more apt then the Republicans realize.

Anyway, they can’t use it any more. So I think we the people should help choose a new song for Palin. Post your choice in the comments. I’ll send them along to McCain’s website.


You Don’t Say


What? The Georgia Bigfoot thing was a hoax? No way. It can’t be. It seemed so real to me.

Bigfoot is to real as George Bush’s version of Democracy is to freedom.


What I Want To Be When I Grow Up:Clear Channel’s Bitch


In my ever constant bid to find new things to do with my life I have decided to emulate Rush Limbaugh.

I am going on an opiate bender starting today. While secretly becoming addicted to hillbilly heroin I will rant and scream about how drug offenders  are getting off easy. I will invent new words to tar good people with, like right wing nuts and Repubinazis. I will increase my readership by being a non-researching fat bastard with just enough intelligence to sound plausible. Then once my illegal activities come to light and I am indicted, I will cry and apologize. I won’t spend one day in jail either. Not like real drug offenders. Then I will get a cochlear implant that makes the world sound fuzzy and mechanical and revive my interrupted career. If I am as lucky as Rush, I will get a gazillion dollars from a right wing music conglomerate that has also been indicted by the Federal Government to spew my vitriol across the net and airwaves until 2016.

That’s my plan.

Who knew that being a complete asshat would be so profitable?


While The Dog’s Away


I’m off on vacation  for the next five days.

It’s less of a vacation than a school related Bataan Death March of tourism. However, I plan on buying lots of junk with my stimulus check to help stimulate the economy.

See, I’m helping. Kind of.

I’ll see you cats and dogs back here on Friday.