Archive for the ‘President’ Category

The Times, Are They A’ Really Changin’?

Hello.

Now that classes have started I don’t have a leisurely 60 minutes to write a post. Often, I am trying to get it in under 40 minutes. So it really has to be something that completely chaps my ass to motivate me to write. Today’s topic is the word “racist”.

As you my fine reader know, I am bogged in world of English. Though I may spell like crap, I still believe we as a Nation can rise above our situations and learn to use language properly.

Racist, racism.Interesting word. It implies, when you sling it at people, that the person you are referring to has a problem with the cultural origins of you the speaker.

The Dictionary definition: a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

I would like to state that at this time in history, though there have been many studies attempting to prove superiority, no particular race has come out on top. This means that no skin color or culture has won the race for best in show. Which prompts me to believe that we are all essentially the same, i.e. equal.

Republicans are sending e-mails of a highly racist nature about our President. When they get caught, they try to deny what a thinking person can clearly see. They are idiots. They are the gun-toting, beer swilling, redneck cousins of rational thinking. Oh, I am sorry, was that racist? No, because I am a white girl and I can say whatever I want about these crackers. Right?

According to Republicans Barak Obama is : racist, communist, fascist, socialist, and centrist. Christ, how does the man get through his day without collapsing under the weight of all these different ideologies? Especially considering that the last one is the only one that might be correct.

Ask yourself this, When was the last time a sitting President was called a racist by the media or sitting Senators? Never. And why is that? Yeah, exactly.

Republicans having had their time in the Big Chair are mad that their rule has ended. And like tired, whiny children the best they can do is throw a giant fit and say mean things. And perpetuate bogus rumors that hamper actual progress. Calling the PRESIDENT a liar in open session is just too much. He is not a liar. Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh  Bill O’Reilly and Republicans of their ilk, are liars. They treat the truth like a chessboard. They just move it wherever they think it will give them the most advantage. And that includes leveling charges of racism against Obama. Because it will get them more crazy Birther devotees, not because it’s true.

I am sick of hearing that word bandied about as though it were proof of something. It’s only proof that those who are using it have nothing else to sling. Barak Obama, unlike the e-mail sending Republicans, hasn’t done one thing I would consider racist. He hasn’t leveled charges of racism against anyone, he hasn’t sent revolting whitey hating e-mails, nothing.

He is trying to get health care for every American. He is making all students responsible for their education. He is trying desparately to undo the complete FUBAR mess he was left.

Do I like everything our President is doing? No, not really. I, as a SOCIALIST DEMOCRAT (that right, socialist, socialist, I said it out loud, nahnahnahnahnah), don’t agree with all of his policies. But I agree less with those who are using the thin cover of  the word ‘racist’ to cover up the reality of what they are doing. And what they are doing is trying to halt progress. By doing so, they can point at the President and say its all his fault. It’s is in fact Republicans who won’t come to the table. Republicans who are pushing a hate filled agenda. Republicans who are stalling this country and pointing fingers at everyone but themselves. It’s their only response when they can’t get what they want.

In the immortal words of Bob Dylan ” Get out of the new one if you can’t lend a hand”

Dogwoman

Anyone But That Guy

Hello.

So I noticed something about the blog as I was reading through the archives. I seem to have done a one eighty on Obama. Puzzled, I decided to take it up with my  unconscious self.

“Self” I said hesitantly “What’s up with that ?”

Self replies with irritation, face immersed in a coffee cup, ” Wha-?”

“That” I repeat pointing at an old post that invites Obama into the Hiawatha Forest to play hide and seek at midnight.

“What are you on about?” Self growls, plucking its face from the coffee cup. Clearly, it hasn’t been paying any amount of attention. Now that’s just annoying. You’d think that ones unconscious self would pay some sort of attention to what is going on in the outside world. Even if it is just so it can clobber you with it during REM sleep.

“This turn about on Obama? “I say pointing to recent blog posts “What gives? I thought we hated him?”

“Hate is an elusive theory.” Self replies, reaching for it’s cigarettes. I don”t smoke but apparently, Self does.

“Have you been reading Camus again?”

“Define Camus.” Self sneers through a rising cloud of smoke. I cough.

“Very funny. Seriously, what is up with this Obama thing.We really need to have a unified position. People will get confused. They’ll say I’m a waffler. And nothing is worse than being lumped in with John McCain.”

“That is more horrifying that either us needs to contemplate at this point in our relationship.”

Sigh. Obviously Self will not be giving straight answers today. Self never gives straight answers. Which is why my life is what it is. It’s like being trapped in a body with an aging, black beret wearing, macrobiotic eating, hippie. Quite horrible really. Especially when I consider how much I’ve always secretly wanted to be a a pro-life Republican. Self refuses on moral grounds. And occasionally too many coffee grounds.

I try one more time.

“Self” I yell ” I need a plausible explanation I can take to the people. Now!” I augment my position with a stern finger pointing.

Self regards me with that smug beatnik look I have always hated, yawns and says “Well, he’s not Bush.”

So now I know. I am, like many Social Democrats, willing to take anyone as the President as long as their last name doesn’t rhyme with mush, push, or shush. And their Vice President doesn’t rhyme with Heaney.

Sad really, I thought my reasoning my would be deeper and more complex, but alas, no.

Dogwoman

WELCOME TO THE PRESIDENTIAL DEATHMATCH

Hello and Good Evening,

A few words before we begin…

Because of limitations on my blog, as well as the excruciatingly slow nature of my computer, a few things must be clarified.

I will not be able to read comments as I blog. That should not stop anyone from making comments. During commercials I will check the comments and then comment on the comments as commentating warrants. Or whenever I have nothing to else say.

“Live” blogging will take the form of continuous posts. After the first post (i.e. this one) there won’t be anymore titles.

I will be blogging while watching NBC. Not Fox. I suspect Fox might be biased. In much the same way I suspect Liberace might have been gay.

As always, correct spelling will be optional.

This is fun. So have fun. Make fun. Especially of the candidate you don’t like. While I am a “liberal” blogger, I am also an equal opportunity satirist. All’s fair in love and politics, so have at it.

However, if you flame unreasonably I will block you. You have been warned.

And now ….. THE PRESIDENTIAL SMACKDOWN

In the Left corner we havehappyoimages

Barak Obama, a Senator from Ohio. The media frenzy over this guy has been substantial. Tonight we will see if he can live up to his press. Sure, he looks happy now, but will it last?

In the Right corner we have

happymmages1

John McCain, an old white guy from somewhere. A man whose temper and bad judgment are legendary. Let’s see if he can keep them both in check tonight. ( Is it just me or does this guy look like he’s suffering some sort of hemorrhoid attack whenever he smiles?)

By the end of the night could we be seeing this?

Or this?madmimages1

The current time is 8 pm eastern standard time, polls all over the country are now closing.

Here’s a mapstatepollclosingtimes_3

A word about the polls. Michigan is listed on this map as closing at 9pm. In reality we close at 8pm. The reason they list it as 9 is because of Iron Mountain, which has to be different and be an hour behind the rest of us. Geez.

When I voted today I had a two hour wait. This is the longest I have ever had to wait to vote. During the Primaries the wait was: ‘echo, echo, echo, anybody here???’ The Election Judges reported at that time(7pm) that a total of eighteen people had arrived to vote in th Primaries.

A word about Election Judges. They are nice people who are giving up their time to eat pastries and make sure your vote counts. Thank Them. But don’t give them gifts as that may constitute a bribe and you could end up on the Homeland Security List. In which case you wouldn’t be able to fly to Europe to live when your candidate loses. So keep it clean, people.

And we’re off…

You Say You Want A Revelation

Hello.

Early voters all over the United States are standing in line. Some are waiting as long as eight hours to cast a ballot.

Here in the Mich we aren’t allowed to vote early. Instead, we cheat by suddenly becoming absent. A great many of our voters have ‘plans’ for the 4th and have filled out absentee voter cards. This includes most of my family, a few friends, and colleagues who have to attend tomorrow’s Professional Development classes. ( I have my own thoughts on why a PD day was scheduled for election day but …). So if you are trying to get through to a Michigan business tomorrow and nobody answers, it’s because half of the Democrats State has gone missing.

So a word about how people are voting. It’s pretty much running along party lines here. Though, one of my older relatives gave me a surprise. This person is a life long Democrat. Seriously, he was born in a place rife with Republicans, attended the world’s most right wing church and somehow came out a Democrat. In 60 years of voting  he has always been the Jackass, never the Pachyderm. Until this year. He voted McCain. We had words. We always have words as he is the only one I can argue politics with who won’t try to smack me at some point in the conversation. We’re both Democrats but he is Ultra Conservative and I am more Socialist. Still, even given his conservatism I was surprised. When pressed, he said he just doesn’t trust Obama. That he doesn’t know enough about forgein policy. It seems to be the same with other Democrats who voted Republican.

I wonder though. Obama does have Biden. While McCain has Palin. A woman so hated that one town in England blew up an effigy of her yesterday. Mccain has a temper. And loose lips. So does Palin. She just says whatever comes into her empty over coiffured head. I don’t think I can look at her 1950’s hair for four years.

That said, It looks like I’m going Obama this year. I wasn’t going to vote at all but I have changed my mind. I would do anything short of voter tampering to keep McCain and his doxy out of the most powerful office in the Western world. Even though I don’t fully trust Obama either. His health plan makes no sense. He has not mentioned setting a timetable for removing our troops from Iraq. And his wife makes Hilary look like a wallflower.

There you are all of you who keep pressing me. I am no longer Undecided . I am an Obama supporting Giantess.

Good luck to both candidates and I’ll see everyone tomorrow at 8pm when Live blogging begins….

Dogwoman

The King (or Queen) of Smears

Hello.

I know you’ve been waiting with bated ( not”baited” CNN reporter person, as in “abated” or withheld. When are they going to offer me your job because even with my crap spelling I can get most of the grammar right. Maybe you should be working for Fox News) breath for this announcement.

I know who I’m going to vote for. I decided last night while watching the political ads on T.V. I will vote for every candidate, regardless of party affiliation, who effectively and completely smears or degrades their opponent.

This is my reasoning.

First, if one is willing to expose every dirty little secret of an opponent in order to win a job in which one will undoubtedly be hated by a majority of the people in a state or throughout the country, you have the kind of balls we need right now.

Secondly, if one is the kind of person who can take innocent friendships and turn them into sinister affiliations that stop just short of canoodling with the Devil himself, well that takes a great deal of creativity, which we also need. Any President can clandestinely re-write the Constitution. It takes real commitment to creatively change someone’s background right out where people can see it.

Lastly, if  one is willing to lay all the blame on the shoulders of another person and repeatedly call them a liar until people believe it without question, then one has the kind of superficial charm we the people have been searching for. And if one can do it with out mixing metaphors or making verbal gaffes that cause the world wide web to post them to YouTube on the comedy channel, you are our man or woman.

So there you are: Balls, creativity and just enough charm to make it all go down easier. These are the characteristics our government has been lacking for eight years. And I am willing to help make sure they again rise to the top of the dung heap we call American Government.

Join me won’t you, in ensuring that every smarmy, soulless bastard with a seven figure income and no idea how public transportation works leads our Country back to the glory days.

Amen.

Dogwoman

Bailout, Schmailout.

Hello.

I’ve managed to slip my chemical leash and I am back, ready to kick some politician butt. Rendition, my Aunt Fanny.

Just kidding. I’ve been stuck playing the never-ending literary quiz over at Goodreads.com. I just wanted to sound all spyish and less like a complete dork.

To the topic at hand: Bailout Bill.

Complete load of hooey. Expensive hooey at that.

Why would We the People want to reward greedy men and women for ignoring the warnings that have been going on for over a decade? We were told repeatedly in the early nineties that if the credit industry was not reined in this would happen. Guess what? They were right! Surprise! And since the explosion of monetary gain has been by the top three percent, why would the other 97% of us want to work harder to pay off their debt ? We don’t, so suck it Congress. We are already working like dogs just to maintain the little we have. Under no circumstances should we allow the richest people in the country to pass their debt to us. The ‘lower’ classes do not exist as a slave class to take on the burden of the greed of the upper classes.

Also, as long as I am ranting mindlessly, let me say something that has been making my fur stand on end. Why are they blaming low-income homeowners for this debacle?  There were programs instituted by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac that allowed for sustainable home-ownership for lower income families. At the time of their inception these programs were used to revitalize neighborhoods and were taken on by working class families in an economic environment that allowed people to work and see a return on that work. As mass layoffs began and income to living wage ratios fell in the last eight years, those families began to struggle under the weight of a top heavy economy. They did not, as has been postulated, take on mortgages they could not afford. They took on mortgages they could afford until gas prices, due to excessive profits, risky investments, and speculation began to spiral out of control. This spiral has led to outrageous increases in pricing for everything throughout the country. And the mass foreclosures began.

The biggest drain on our economy has been the two wars we are concurrently waging. But it seems no one wants to mention that. They’d rather point to those who can least defend themselves and blame them.

Well, I blame those who,even after the lessons learned in the Savings and Loan disaster, began creating private equity firms and hedge funds. Those two things helped spur the original financial meltdown in the 80’s. Because of  a government bail out then, the greedy bastards ignored warnings and started up all over again. Those same people should be forced to declare bankruptcy.

They should be required to be punished for their actions. Not rewarded for the pandemic of greed that has sent our country into a tailspin.

If you’d like to urge your Senator to vote no on the Bailout Bill, go here to find out who they are and send them an e-mail. If they get enough mail it might crash their system.

I’ll bet they’d get the point then.

Dogwoman

Now I Know Why They Go Postal

Hello.

I’m exhausted. I’ve spent the entire weekend running away from people with clipboards. Some of them were wearing Obama shirts and some were wearing McCain shirts.  At one point I had a group of twelve year-olds literally chasing me around the laundromat. “Hey, Lady areyouregisteredtovote?”

Yes, Yes, dagnab it, I am  registered to vote. I am, I swear. I even have the card to prove it. Yes, I am a legal resident of the United States. If not, my parents have some ‘splainin’ to do.

And, No, Mr.College student who looks as though he could use a hot meal and a bath, I do not know who I am going to vote for.  That’s right, I am one of those pesky undecideds.

Now, quit showing up at my door, or following me to the grocery store, the gym, the laundromat and the Library.

I’ll tell you who I’m voting for, on November 8th.

Dogwoman

The Dog’s Advice

Hello.

Dear Dogwoman,

I am a woman in my mid forties with a busy family including the arrival of a new grandchild by my seventeen year old unmarried daughter. I am also currently running for the Vice-Presidential slot in the next election. My question is: How do I balance these responsibilities in the face of a media onslaught?

-just a barracuda

Dear Barracuda,

Being a working mom can be tough. With so many different jobs during the day one can become overwhelmed. My advice is to fly back to your home state as quickly as possible and not come out again until November 8th. This way the media has nothing to talk about and most voters will forget who you are. An air of mystery can be a good thing during a political campaign. As I always say, leave ’em guessing because confusion is always the best weapon.

Dogwoman

Dear Dogwoman,

I recently announced my Vice Presidential pick. It seemed like a good idea at the time, now however, I am having second thoughts. Apparently this chick has some unfinished business she forgot to mention during the vetting process, like a little legal problem called Trooper-Gate. Even though she is trying to avoid testifying I am afraid it will come back to bite both of us in the ass. How do I get her to dropout without looking bad?

-running on empty

Dear Running,

All of us make mistakes from time to time. It is best to try not to make them in the public eye. And definitely best not to get caught making them on YouTube.  With this in mind, once the mistake is made one must learn to live with it. I am afraid that if you bounce this person now you will look like an even bigger ass than you currently do. Best just to smile into the cameras and talk up your choice as much as possible. If you say something enough people will begin to believe it, even if it is an outright lie.

Dogwoman

Dearest Dog Woman,

We are a group of International Foreign Ministers. Recently, we had a meeting during which one of our esteemed members proposed that as a bit of fun we vote for the next U.S. President amongst ourselves.  We did, it was a laugh and things went forward. Now, unfortunately we are all being hounded, Diana-style, by the international media to reveal the winner. How do we get these vultures to back off?

_Ministers for Change

Dear Ministers,

Admit openly that your choice was Barack Obama, even if it wasn’t, and they will leave you alone.

Dogwoman

Dear Dogwoman,

I was recently fired from a news job. Well, fired is a bit extreme, more like downgraded. All because I let my opinions be known openly. And because the person they paired me with is a right wing blow hard with no morals to speak of. Seriously, this guy would sell his grandmother for air time. Is it my fault the Unites States government is full of crooked bastards with their collective grubby hands in the cookie jar? I think not. Anywho, now my employer is mad and refuses to let me finish commenting on the upcoming election. The question at large is this : How do I get back at these numb-skulls without losing my job completely?

-slave to the man

Dear Slave,

You have a serious problem. Normally I would blithely dispense advice but honestly. You should know better than to hold left leaning opinions in a world where Fox “my ticker tape is always misspelled and no one cares” News rules the roost. Right wingers, Republicans and your mother -in-law will now berate and scorn you for not being ‘neutral’ in a world where no one is neutral. The best advice I can come up with is, either continue soapboxing for the Liberals and hope Obama wins or rapaciously suck up to every Republican political figure you can. At this point neither action can do much harm. Good luck.

Dogwoman

How Rude-a Barracuda

Hello.

The GOP has received a cease and desist letter. No not from the American people, though I think that will come, in time. They received it from Heart.  You know Heart, the seventies girl band that kicked some serious musical ass back in the day ?

It seems those arrogant crafty McCain staffers were using Barracuda as their Palin introductory song. Which would have been fine had they gotten permission to do so first. They didn’t and band members are outraged, outraged I say, at the blatant misuse of their song.

I agree completely. Of course, why would Republicans want to refer to their own candidate as a ‘Barracuda” ? A barracuda is not a nice cuddly animal. Nor is it a nice thing to call a woman. Fantastic 80’s bar fights have been fought over the use of that tag. Also does anyone remember the actual lyrics?  Aside from a few moments of clarity, it’s really confusing, although fun to sing along to. I always get lost when the porpoise comes in at the second stanza.

Is the GOP trying to say that Palin is a vicious confusing animal? That doesn’t seem like the right message to be sending at this point in time. Although with all the gossip running about the Net, it might be more apt then the Republicans realize.

Anyway, they can’t use it any more. So I think we the people should help choose a new song for Palin. Post your choice in the comments. I’ll send them along to McCain’s website.

Dogwoman

Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

Hello.

I’ve been avoiding political themes, I know. The reason is simple. I’m tired of both of the candidates. Particularly Barack Obama.

I can’t get through the news when every other story is about something one of them may have said or done to the other. And all the while anything Cheney and Bush may be doing in the background is ignored.

Also, as a Michigan voter I can do nothing less than assume that Barak stole our delegates from Hilary. For perhaps the first time in history a candidate who was not on a state ballot had delegates voting in the National Convention. Regardless of what Howard Dean may be saying, it was Obama’s decision not to put his name on the ballot. The DNC should not have given him half of what he did not earn. And then to go ahead and seat the Delegates after promising they didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of doing so is nothing less than thievery.

I understand that the party needed to ‘show unity’  in order to stave off Republican attacks, but let’s face it, Hilary got hosed. For her to give such a fantastic speech during the convention when in fact she should have been berating Howard Dean shows a great deal of tact. And kudos to Bill as well.

Both of them went out and did what needed to be done despite the obvious failure of the DNC to run a fair campaign.

While I am pleased to see that for the first time in history we have nominated an African-American for the office of President.  I am disgruntled at the way in which it was achieved. It feels as though this race is being run by the Internet hacks and the beleaguered media rather than by the average voters. the average American is being told how to vote by a barrage of media and Internet ads and sites rather than being given a chance to weigh their options. It’s distasteful to me.

So if you find that my political coverage is light for the next few months it’s because I am revolted by both of the major party candidates. There is a great deal at stake in this race and to me neither candidate represents a ‘change’. As for unity , the pundits can go on as many talk shows as they like, the party is split and we all know it. They can gloss over Bidens’ abysmal record all they like, the only ones it fools are the younger voters.  When Democratic leaders are shaking their heads in sorrow one knows the wrong pick has been made.  When Hilary supporters are flooding the Internet with calls to back John McCain even as the Convention is preaching a watery ‘unity” theme there is a problem.

And it’s a problem that won’t disappear just because the DNC wants it to. It needs to be addressed. But, we all know it won’t.

Dogwoman