Archive for the ‘Solutions?’ Category

The King (or Queen) of Smears

Hello.

I know you’ve been waiting with bated ( not”baited” CNN reporter person, as in “abated” or withheld. When are they going to offer me your job because even with my crap spelling I can get most of the grammar right. Maybe you should be working for Fox News) breath for this announcement.

I know who I’m going to vote for. I decided last night while watching the political ads on T.V. I will vote for every candidate, regardless of party affiliation, who effectively and completely smears or degrades their opponent.

This is my reasoning.

First, if one is willing to expose every dirty little secret of an opponent in order to win a job in which one will undoubtedly be hated by a majority of the people in a state or throughout the country, you have the kind of balls we need right now.

Secondly, if one is the kind of person who can take innocent friendships and turn them into sinister affiliations that stop just short of canoodling with the Devil himself, well that takes a great deal of creativity, which we also need. Any President can clandestinely re-write the Constitution. It takes real commitment to creatively change someone’s background right out where people can see it.

Lastly, if  one is willing to lay all the blame on the shoulders of another person and repeatedly call them a liar until people believe it without question, then one has the kind of superficial charm we the people have been searching for. And if one can do it with out mixing metaphors or making verbal gaffes that cause the world wide web to post them to YouTube on the comedy channel, you are our man or woman.

So there you are: Balls, creativity and just enough charm to make it all go down easier. These are the characteristics our government has been lacking for eight years. And I am willing to help make sure they again rise to the top of the dung heap we call American Government.

Join me won’t you, in ensuring that every smarmy, soulless bastard with a seven figure income and no idea how public transportation works leads our Country back to the glory days.

Amen.

Dogwoman

All I Want Is EU

Hello.

Bono wants Africa to create a United States of Africa.

Yeah, and I want Baskin Robbins to start a home delivery service.

The problem that the little man has vastly overlooked, as has his alter ego Jeffery Sachs, is the separatist and tribal nature of many African nations. There are literally hundred of tribes within the African framework and they do not all get along. I don’t mean this in a Protestant v. Catholic way either. I mean that they will never get along. Ever. This division existed long before Ireland tossed out it’s Druids and gained a snake charmer.

Also, has either of these social geniuses looked at a map?  I am referring specifically to North Africa. I don’t mean to be a killjoy here but have they noticed the many stable, productive, countries at the top of the African Continent? Something tells me that Egypt and Morocco are not going to loosen ties to other Muslim countries in order to embrace a chaotic warlord run Sub Saharan Africa. They can’t, their ideologies are so different nothing would ever be accomplished.

And I don’t think pointing to the EU is a good example builder in light of Ireland overwhelmingly killing the Lisbon treaty.

In fact, pointing to Ireland at all is probably not a good idea right now. Their entire economy was overhauled to mimic a supply side economic reality. Housing went from affordable to outrageous in a few years and the deep social divisions between the poor and wealthy became over- exacerbated. Now with the credit crisis striking everyone who ever had dealings with the United States, Ireland’s economy is in a tailspin. Companies are pulling out and jobs are being lost. The housing boom is declining. What has been an economic success for many years is turning into a struggling morass of nothing actually being accomplished.

Is this what Bono the Great wants for Africa? A warring conglomerate of mis- matched countries whose separate and individual natures keep them in a constant state of flux rather than as a cohesive ruling body?

And if they do manage somehow to become a full fledged United anything  who is going to keep the rampant cocaine use and boy racers at bay? Not to mention the self righteous, self indulgent celebrities.

Dogwoman

Uncommon Idea

Hello.

I keep reading about the world wide food crisis. It sounds awful. Oh wait, it is awful but I have revolutionary idea that might help.

STOP MAKING FUEL OUT OF THE COMMODITIES THAT PEOPLE NEED TO EAT.

I know that this position will perhaps make me even less popular than I currently am, but it’s chance I am willing to take. Especially when one considers that we have a huge ball of self renewing energy in the sky that has proven itself more than capable of helping out. Oh and that little thing that sweeps down from the hills from time to time freshening our lives and creating the perfect ambiance might be useful too.

Yes, there are obstacles. Problems like, no one wants to pay for the conversion. Cheap is not helpful. If they can ask us to pay extortionist prices for gas while simultaneously starving entire populations to create new fuels, they can invent a supersolar conductor with their 900 bajillion dollar oil profits.

Ridiculous. When are we going to get mad enough to capsize this incredible ship of fools ?

Because these things don’t need to happen, we just let them.

Dogwoman

Oh Holy Java!

Hello.

Anyone else out there ever find a hair not belonging to you or any of your household floating in your coffee?

I just did and while I am all for global expansion, I do not include body hair in my list of things I’d like to see globally expanded.

I have to go throw out my fair trade coffee and buy a new machine.

Oh, and vomit.

Dogwoman

Edumacation And Bad Spellings

Hello.

I could rant on about the candidates, but watching them shadowbox each other is so boring I can’t be bothered.

However, I can rant on about the new No Child Left Behind regulations that Margaret Spellings is rolling out.

Miss Spellings , a woman who has never been in a classroom, whose degree is in political science, has decided we need more ‘accountability’ from the schools and more programs to involve parents.

I live in a place where all three high schools have failed to meet the NCLB standards for the past five years. The city’s solution has been to make ALL of the teachers re-apply for their jobs for next fall. When I ask student’s about it, I get an earful. They are afraid that the teachers they are familiar with enough to take their problems to will be gone next year. When I ask teachers about it they just roll their eyes and shrug, as if to say ‘What can you do?”

Spellings is not concerned about the students or failing schools. In this district there has been a significant elevation of students who are classified as Emotionally Impaired, most of them being conduct disordered. However, there are few solid programs to deal with this influx and many EI students end up in general classrooms, where they are disruptive. Overcrowded classrooms, lack of educational aides, run down, non-functioning schools are just some of the actual problems facing Administrators. Where are the increases in Federal funding to help? Don’t hold your breath waiting for Spellings whose real concern is mirrored in the following statement:

“Over their lifetimes, dropouts from the class of 2007 alone will cost our nation more than 300 billion dollars in lost wages, lost taxes and lost productivity,” said Secretary Spellings. “Increasing graduation rates by just five percent, for male students alone, would save us nearly eight billion dollars each year in crime-related costs.”

Because being fully educated means one will never commit a crime. Alberto Gonzales, Paul Wolfowitz, various Republicans caught with their pants down.. these people have cost our nation millions in prosecution and work loss but apparently, if you’re over educated this is more acceptable.

As for parental involvement. In this district they practically drag parents into meetings and programs. Every night I get phone calls about town meetings, forums, PTA, special programs for  parenting…. it”s endless. The fact is, some parents just don’t care. Many do but, some just don’t. All the regulations that Spellings wants to impose on the schools won’t make them care. It just makes the NCLB goals that much harder for the district to reach.

I have a solution. If Margaret ‘I’m a Political Hack” Spellings were replaced with an actual Teacher or School Administrator whose primary concern is real students rather than imaginary numbers things might change. Continuing the number crunch and calling it Educational Reform is just garbage. The NCLB is churning out students who can take a test but can’t hold a job, spell or do basic problem solving. And people like Spellings are taking it out on the only people who are willing to work for low pay and even less respect, Teachers.

Education is about the students and their futures. It’s about making sure that student’s have the basic tools to live and work in an increasingly complex system. NCLB and Margaret Spellings are throwing political wrenches into that system at  will and then blaming the very people who are trying to do what they ask.

Our political system, the one that controls our education system, is full of twits.  And Spellings is the worst of the lot.

Dogwoman

The New Van Diemens Land

Hello.

So your 17 year old son or daughter had decided they don’t want to join the military to get experience and see the world (i.e. eat sand in Iraq). That’s ok. The Government is not worried because they have a whole new resource they can tap into for bodies recruits.

Sex offenders, murders, burglars and others of the conduct disordered variety are now getting their chance to give back to society. They’re getting a one way ticket to Iraq.

That’s right, the American government is taking the advice of comedian Bobcat Golthwait and sending criminals to do our fighting for us. As Bobcat pointed out “These are the men with experience”.

If this little plan to avoid a draft works out our prisons should be empty by 2019. Excellent.

Of course, there might be a few discipline problems. They are using men who couldn’t abide the rules of an open society and thrusting them into a system that has rules for everything, including when and how to eat.

Oh well.

That’s the price you pay for governing with your head firmly entrenched up your ascot.

Dogwoman

Confuse To Conquer

Hello.

I just looked at the clock and realized with horror that I have been reading the news for three hours. Three hours.

Here’s what I learned in that time:

Obama is a Democratic God.

Obama is going to ruin our country.

Clinton should throw in the towel.

Clinton should fight on.

The new Iraqi surge is working.

America is losing the fight in Iraq.

Iraq Vets hate Bush.

The GOP hates Bush.

Everyone hates Bush.

America is a neo-fascist country being driven into the ground by bad economic policies.

Germany is sponsoring a body painting party.

Today we should all observe Earth Hour by shutting off our lights at 8pm.

Teachers keep having sex with students.

Starbucks doesn’t have to comply with court orders.

Neither does any White House Aide.

Regular news outlets are trolling blogs for news because it’s cheaper than sending a correspondent.

and Grey Wolves are off the endangered list…for now.

And the only thing I found interesting or newsworthy was the German Body Painting story.

I want to go to a body painting party. With the lights off for an hour as Grey wolves roam restlessly about looking for a correspondent to complain to about George Bush and his fascist policies while Clinton hands out towels to Obama who is.. spilling his Starbucks coffee… on the teachers having sex with students….while avoiding court orders….. Wait

Sigh. I’m confused.

Does anyone out there have any idea what the hell is going on??????

Dogwoman