Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

Gimme Back My Bottle

Hello.

Got a cold? A terrific headache? A random old person muscle pain?

Well, screw you! SUFFER!

The FDA wants to make medications that contain acetaminophen by prescription only.

Because Americans can’t read labels. Because we need the FDA to tell us what to do and how to live. Because rational decisions should never be left to the great unwashed.

So if I have the flu and I want to grab something to relieve my symptoms, because 1600 people annually refuse to believe the dosage limits, I have to pay to see a doctor, and inflated prices to get it from a pharmacy?

It as great big scheme. A definite money maker to be sure. Everyone gets a twinge or a headache. I don’t know too many people in my line of work who don’t carry pain relievers on their person. Usually giant bags of it . That doesn’t mean we’re tossing them back with abandon or snarfing them down every fifteen minutes. The reason people overdose is because they are impatient or have not taken the meds with enough water to make them break down and begin to work. Those are the Morons who should  have every one of their decisions monitored. The rest of us can read. And think. And function quite well without 24 hour supervision by a government agency known for corruption and kickbacks, thank you.

Stop trying to regulate us to death. We don’t need a bloated group of greedy bastards to determine the collective level of common sense. Americans are smarter than we are given credit for. Well, mostly. Our politicians are making it hard to back up that statement but the rest of us are just fine. Mostly.

Hey here’s an idea, why don’t we start actually regulating the regulators?  The FDA pretty much does as they please in the interest of ‘public health’. As long as it will inflate their bank account.

If they’re so good at their  job why is there a never-ending supply of E. Coli in our food?  They are the FOOD and Drug Administration aren’t they? Start there zipperheads and then worry about Grandpa choking down a Tylenol for his back pain.

Dogwoman

CelebriBible

hello.

One might think that such things as a world wide, excruciatingly slow, collapse of financial markets, abnormally violent weather and Sarah Palin appearing on Saturday Night Live might be a sign that the end is near, but, no.

The true sign of the times is a book. A giant glossy book with pictures of Bono, Angelina Jolie and Nelson Mandela. No, it’s not a book of past Vanity Fair articles. It’s the Bible.

That’s right, some enterprising Swede has come up with a Bible that catches the eye. For all of those who think there are just too many words and not enough shallow glitz in their scripture, this Books’ for you.

Now, honestly. Isn’t this a bit like the Devil printing his own version? I can see how it might bring comfort to those who wander about their McMansions feeling lost. How inspiring to look down and see a bible that has pictures of your friends splashed throughout it. Ahh, warms the cockles of a shriveled greedy heart, so it does.

But then there is the rest of us, you nutters. Also, it could just be me but isn’t putting pictures of wealthy capitalists in the bible a bit sacrilegious? I was taught that greed of any kind was against the teachings. I took that to mean greed not only for money but also attention, among other things. Is the world not plastic enough? Does there really need to be a celebribible?

And what’s with the implied eyebrow piercing? What is that supposed to symbolize exactly?

The author grandly points out that all of the books are layed out like magazine articles.

Great, what’s next an interactive Bible with Fox News headlines scrolling across the bottom?

Some people have waaayyyyyy too much time on their hands. And should probably put down the crack pipe.

Dogwoman

Bailout, Schmailout.

Hello.

I’ve managed to slip my chemical leash and I am back, ready to kick some politician butt. Rendition, my Aunt Fanny.

Just kidding. I’ve been stuck playing the never-ending literary quiz over at Goodreads.com. I just wanted to sound all spyish and less like a complete dork.

To the topic at hand: Bailout Bill.

Complete load of hooey. Expensive hooey at that.

Why would We the People want to reward greedy men and women for ignoring the warnings that have been going on for over a decade? We were told repeatedly in the early nineties that if the credit industry was not reined in this would happen. Guess what? They were right! Surprise! And since the explosion of monetary gain has been by the top three percent, why would the other 97% of us want to work harder to pay off their debt ? We don’t, so suck it Congress. We are already working like dogs just to maintain the little we have. Under no circumstances should we allow the richest people in the country to pass their debt to us. The ‘lower’ classes do not exist as a slave class to take on the burden of the greed of the upper classes.

Also, as long as I am ranting mindlessly, let me say something that has been making my fur stand on end. Why are they blaming low-income homeowners for this debacle?  There were programs instituted by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac that allowed for sustainable home-ownership for lower income families. At the time of their inception these programs were used to revitalize neighborhoods and were taken on by working class families in an economic environment that allowed people to work and see a return on that work. As mass layoffs began and income to living wage ratios fell in the last eight years, those families began to struggle under the weight of a top heavy economy. They did not, as has been postulated, take on mortgages they could not afford. They took on mortgages they could afford until gas prices, due to excessive profits, risky investments, and speculation began to spiral out of control. This spiral has led to outrageous increases in pricing for everything throughout the country. And the mass foreclosures began.

The biggest drain on our economy has been the two wars we are concurrently waging. But it seems no one wants to mention that. They’d rather point to those who can least defend themselves and blame them.

Well, I blame those who,even after the lessons learned in the Savings and Loan disaster, began creating private equity firms and hedge funds. Those two things helped spur the original financial meltdown in the 80’s. Because of  a government bail out then, the greedy bastards ignored warnings and started up all over again. Those same people should be forced to declare bankruptcy.

They should be required to be punished for their actions. Not rewarded for the pandemic of greed that has sent our country into a tailspin.

If you’d like to urge your Senator to vote no on the Bailout Bill, go here to find out who they are and send them an e-mail. If they get enough mail it might crash their system.

I’ll bet they’d get the point then.

Dogwoman

Rock and Roll Hall Of Shame

Hello.

If you had to choose between a group of musicians the thinking world considers brilliant and a band known mostly for their fabulous hair, which would you choose?

Well, you’re wrong. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is getting set to announce their inductees and would you believe BON JOVI is the critics pick? I don’t know whether to weep or send angry invective laden e-mails. I thought they could sink no lower when Madonna made the list but, holy roaming cows.

And Bon Jovi is getting the nod over a band like Rush. Rush. One of the most eclectic and inventive bands in history. One of the first bands to begin using technology in their music. That’s right it wasn’t U(f’n)2. It was pioneers like Rush and Yes that started that craze.

On this list of  possible inductees are bands like the Smiths and the Cure who were never considered rock bands. Also Donna Summer and Chic two groups that are strictly Disco. Run DMC and the Beastie Boys are  on the list as well.

And what a dismal list. Is this really the best they can do? Have we run out of great musicians to induct and are now scraping the bottom of the musical barrel?

Did I mention that Metallica is on the list? They have been around forever, are still making great music and their albums always go to the top of the charts as soon as they are released. Even those who don’t generally listen to Heavy Metal can hum Enter Sandman. And they are being ignored for Bon Jovi? A group that is barely one step ahead of Milli Vanilli. Why don’t they just induct Ratt and Vanilla Ice and end the whole pretense?

If you’d like to put in your two cents worth, go here to vote for the band of your choice.

And it better not be Bon Freakin’ Jovi. Seriously. I have your IP and I can find you.

Dogwoman

Everybody Panic!!!!!!!!

Hello.

I awoke so early this morning that even the birds were still asleep. When I tried to wake them, they gave me the middle feather. Cheeky bustards.

After reading the news, I turned to my abnormally cheerful husband and wailed “But, I was only gone for five hours!”

Here’s what I found :

The banking sector of the United States is in Chicken Little mode with every newspaper screaming that the sky is falling. As it may well be. When the smoke clears, will Bank of America be the only financial institution still standing? One pundit goes so far as to hint the “thousands” of banks will now fail in the coming months. Which is of course a signal for everyone to begin pulling their money out of the bank and hiding it in their mattresses. Failure to help people fully understand what the collapse of these financial giants means for the average Joe almost guarantees a run of worried customers, causing further panic and instability. If they can soft pedal of war of indeterminate length and destruction, why can’t they lie about the money problems of the entire country?

Also, because I have to live here, this really pisses me off and makes me hate the GOP more, which I didn’t think possible, but there it is. The Michigan GOP is trying to use the nifty Right-To-Vote laws here in Michigan to keep those who have been foreclosed upon from voting. Last time I checked the only groups of people not eligible to vote in the U.S. are illegal immigrants and currently incarcerated felons. Is the Michigan GOP trying to say that those who lost their homes to the shady dealings of the mortgage companies are actually criminals???? That’s one way to misdirect to mislead. Which seems to be the GOP’s SOP.

This one is more of an observational question. If oil is now selling for under a hundred dollars a barrel, why am I paying almost 4.50 a gallon this morning? If you say Ike I will issue a horrible Ancient Roman Curse upon you and your family. And your dog. While the closing of the refineries was probably a factor it does not explain to my personal satisfaction a jump of nearly 70 cents in two days. Especially with the price of oil continually falling. At one point on Friday a gas station here in Michigan was selling at 5.99 a gallon. Clearly, they were gouging. Yet, are the oil companies now gouging on the speculation of the maybe of things to come? So it would seem. Starting a mass panic can be profitable.

There was also a story about a house burning to the ground in North Texas because some geniuses disconnected the fire hydrants. Why, you ask? Because they were afraid that terrorists would poison the water supply. *Headslap* Good God, I knew this country was going backwards but, all the way back to the Middle Ages?

If you haven’t yet started running about your abode wailing in terror, scrabbling for your bankbook and refusing to drink the tap water, well, there just might be hope for you yet.

Dogwoman

How Rude-a Barracuda

Hello.

The GOP has received a cease and desist letter. No not from the American people, though I think that will come, in time. They received it from Heart.  You know Heart, the seventies girl band that kicked some serious musical ass back in the day ?

It seems those arrogant crafty McCain staffers were using Barracuda as their Palin introductory song. Which would have been fine had they gotten permission to do so first. They didn’t and band members are outraged, outraged I say, at the blatant misuse of their song.

I agree completely. Of course, why would Republicans want to refer to their own candidate as a ‘Barracuda” ? A barracuda is not a nice cuddly animal. Nor is it a nice thing to call a woman. Fantastic 80’s bar fights have been fought over the use of that tag. Also does anyone remember the actual lyrics?  Aside from a few moments of clarity, it’s really confusing, although fun to sing along to. I always get lost when the porpoise comes in at the second stanza.

Is the GOP trying to say that Palin is a vicious confusing animal? That doesn’t seem like the right message to be sending at this point in time. Although with all the gossip running about the Net, it might be more apt then the Republicans realize.

Anyway, they can’t use it any more. So I think we the people should help choose a new song for Palin. Post your choice in the comments. I’ll send them along to McCain’s website.

Dogwoman

The Mouse Wants Better Cheese and New Nesting Material

Hello.

Soooooo, with Russia violating international law in just the way G.W. taught them to, something monumental is going on right here at home.

NO, not giant groups of Phelps phans running amok causing riots and burning cars. Swimming fanatics are just not that motivated.

I refer of course to the great Disney Protest. That’s right mouseketeers, your busboys and hotel workers are wearing costumes and blocking entrances.

Why? you ask Why why has this horror been rained down upon the American Dream? Have we not suffered enough?

Because Disney wants to begin treating them just like every other underpaid worker on the planet. The main issue seems to center around the slashing of their free health care. I repeat, busboys, cleaning women and other hotel workers are receiving free health care. Yeah that’s what I thought too.

I work teaching and corralling the potential of tomorrow and I don’t have health care at all. Let alone free.

Amid the whining, the Union said that they didn’t want to send out the actual character workers to protest. So they sent the hotel workers dressed in costumes instead.

Nothing like getting it from both sides. What I can’t believe is that these idiots went for it. This might explain why talks keep breaking down.

The ‘House’ll keep you posted as this breaking story develops.

Who am I kidding? No I won’t.

Dogwoman

If George W. Bush Had A Uterus

Hello.

So the Bush Administration wants to redefine contraception in such a way as to make taking a pill or using an IUD a legal abortion. I can say I am not surprised. This is the man who three days into his first term tried to redefine what a human being is. And cut all overseas programs for women’s health in countries with high birth population and astronomical child mortality rates. I can only assume that since he has no uterus, women’s health issues, like good foreign policy, are beyond his grasp.

Why does the government insist on treating women like chattel when it comes to their health? This is the Admin that made it okay for a pharmacist not only to refuse contraception to women with a legal script but also allowed them to berate and humiliate them for trying to be responsible about their bodies and their health.

I will say this, no man, however high up in the Government structure should be allowed to tell a woman what she may do with her own body. I don’t see the Government cracking down on men who by condoms or Viagra. In fact while Viagra is covered by insurance many birth control devices for woman are not.

And are these not the same people who regularly trot out the welfare rolls for public derision?

As I have said before, they cannot have it both ways. Either the government should promote healthy sexual attitudes through good information and availability of contraception to everyone or the should just admit that they are a bunch of redneck asshats who think women should be fully oppressed.

I am thinking that if George had a uterus there would be contraception carnivals all over the country. Birth control pills and sponges would rain from the very skies via jet fighters. That every twenty eight days chocolate and corn chips would be free and crying jags would be the norm.

Until he grows one we’re stuck with his backwoods sexual censorship.

Zipperhead.

Dogwoman

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up:Clear Channel’s Bitch

Hello.

In my ever constant bid to find new things to do with my life I have decided to emulate Rush Limbaugh.

I am going on an opiate bender starting today. While secretly becoming addicted to hillbilly heroin I will rant and scream about how drug offenders  are getting off easy. I will invent new words to tar good people with, like right wing nuts and Repubinazis. I will increase my readership by being a non-researching fat bastard with just enough intelligence to sound plausible. Then once my illegal activities come to light and I am indicted, I will cry and apologize. I won’t spend one day in jail either. Not like real drug offenders. Then I will get a cochlear implant that makes the world sound fuzzy and mechanical and revive my interrupted career. If I am as lucky as Rush, I will get a gazillion dollars from a right wing music conglomerate that has also been indicted by the Federal Government to spew my vitriol across the net and airwaves until 2016.

That’s my plan.

Who knew that being a complete asshat would be so profitable?

Dogwoman

If You Can’t Duct It…

Hello.

The CDC is using duct tape to seal the door to a lab where they study Q fever.

Don’t worry it’s not like it’s the lab where they study Ebola. They use REALLY strong cello tape on that one.

I’m thinking that since they ‘study’ rare infectious diseases they might want to spring for actual door seals before we all get caught in the plot of a Stephen King novel.

Have a, cough cough, nice, hack , day. Achoo.

Dogwoman