Insert Snarky Title About Bill O’Reilly Here

Hello.

I don’t actually watch T.V. I don’t have to. If there is something I want to see, I can find it on the Web.

There has begun what I like to call a “video off” going on between John Stewart and Bill O’Reilly. To be fair, it’s mostly O’Reilly trying to start something.

It began when Stewart intimated that Fox News, using their own critieria, is now Liberal. Well, Bill just couldn’t let that one slide. He attempts to maintain that the video clips that Stewart uses are taken out of context. He does a poor job at best. In attempting to explain how off the mark Stewart is O’Reilly actually makes Stewart’s case for him.

But don’t take my word for it.

Here is Stewart.

And here is O’Reilly trying to shoot back with a water gun.

Those crazy liberal Republicans. They’re all loons.

Dogwoman

Anyone But That Guy

Hello.

So I noticed something about the blog as I was reading through the archives. I seem to have done a one eighty on Obama. Puzzled, I decided to take it up with my  unconscious self.

“Self” I said hesitantly “What’s up with that ?”

Self replies with irritation, face immersed in a coffee cup, ” Wha-?”

“That” I repeat pointing at an old post that invites Obama into the Hiawatha Forest to play hide and seek at midnight.

“What are you on about?” Self growls, plucking its face from the coffee cup. Clearly, it hasn’t been paying any amount of attention. Now that’s just annoying. You’d think that ones unconscious self would pay some sort of attention to what is going on in the outside world. Even if it is just so it can clobber you with it during REM sleep.

“This turn about on Obama? “I say pointing to recent blog posts “What gives? I thought we hated him?”

“Hate is an elusive theory.” Self replies, reaching for it’s cigarettes. I don”t smoke but apparently, Self does.

“Have you been reading Camus again?”

“Define Camus.” Self sneers through a rising cloud of smoke. I cough.

“Very funny. Seriously, what is up with this Obama thing.We really need to have a unified position. People will get confused. They’ll say I’m a waffler. And nothing is worse than being lumped in with John McCain.”

“That is more horrifying that either us needs to contemplate at this point in our relationship.”

Sigh. Obviously Self will not be giving straight answers today. Self never gives straight answers. Which is why my life is what it is. It’s like being trapped in a body with an aging, black beret wearing, macrobiotic eating, hippie. Quite horrible really. Especially when I consider how much I’ve always secretly wanted to be a a pro-life Republican. Self refuses on moral grounds. And occasionally too many coffee grounds.

I try one more time.

“Self” I yell ” I need a plausible explanation I can take to the people. Now!” I augment my position with a stern finger pointing.

Self regards me with that smug beatnik look I have always hated, yawns and says “Well, he’s not Bush.”

So now I know. I am, like many Social Democrats, willing to take anyone as the President as long as their last name doesn’t rhyme with mush, push, or shush. And their Vice President doesn’t rhyme with Heaney.

Sad really, I thought my reasoning my would be deeper and more complex, but alas, no.

Dogwoman

Education First

Hello.

Why is it when right-wing conservative types post virulent comments they spell everything wrong?

I’m not pointing fingers. God knows, I have made my share of spelling gaffes. However, there are two types of spelling errors.

1) The kind of spelling error that results from a faulty phonics logic. This usually will bring one within a short distance of the correct spelling. These are the kind I generally make.

2) The kind of spelling error that screams “Fonics really Phukked me up!” Generally made by ignoring all of the phonics rules within the English language. These are the ones I refer to in the opening sentence of this post.

If you are going to insult, demean and degrade strangers, do it with panache. Do it with style.

Do it with spell check.

An unfounded accusation really loses something when the person that is being insulted has to guess at what you are talking about by deciphering your tedious spelling.

Right is not spelled r-i-t-e.

Traitor is not spelled t-r-a-i-t-e-r.

Shite is not spelled s-h-i-i-t-e. That is some thing else entirely: pronounced Shee-ite. A form of Islam. Which might change the content of your ballsy message just a little bit.

If right wingers in small Southern states want to be taken seriously, they should really make an effort to upgrade their spelling. Use that dictionary for more than something to keep your trailer level. It seems like a nit picky thing but, an incorrectly spelled insult can really set the opposition to laughing.

So as you, a self righteous indignant right winger go out into the cruel Obama world, try to spell your Nazi protest signs, scathing blog posts,  troll comments and general words of  anger at losing the Presidential election to an articulate and charming black guy, correctly. Not Kerectly.

Dogwoman

Careful There, You Almost Stepped In It

Hello.

Dearest Rush Limbaugh,

When you were a child, did you know that one day you would grow up to be  a heinous individual whose verbal incontinence caused people to want to ram steak knives into their ear canals? Did you?

I was only asking because comparing our President to the entire Nazi regime and encouraging hillbilly followers to disrupt town hall meetings and/or physically abuse complete strangers seems like a unusual life goal.  I understand the need to have a goal. I have goals. I have a great dream where it is illegal to spread slander. Oh wait, (headslap) that’s not a dream.

You, my fat bellied friend, are skating really close to the edge of a dangerous pond.  While one may in fact poke fun at the President of the United States, and I for one, really miss having the ammunition to do so, one cannot imply that one knows for certain that he is a Nazi,without actual proof.  You are probably wondering how you did that. It comes from stating, however vaguely, that the swastika is used in any manner by  the United States government or in this case, President Obama. The use of said emblem in any way would by association imply that our President is indeed a Nazi. And then the big bad Government agencies that you would like to see let loose on common citizens would actually be after…you. For slander of a public figure. Which you have barely escaped doing in your little tirade yesterday.

The most fun part of this is that the swastika is only being used  by your fellow right wingers on their protest signs. They are carrying the emblem. And waving it about. And shouting threatening slogans at innocent bystanders. So, by your own wise definition system, are they not in fact advertising themselves to be…….I’ll let you figure that one out.

Have a great, big, giant, red white and blue day! And see if you can’t work on getting some kind of internal editor before you end up back in the slammer.

Dogwoman

Everybody Panic!!!!!!!!

Hello.

I awoke so early this morning that even the birds were still asleep. When I tried to wake them, they gave me the middle feather. Cheeky bustards.

After reading the news, I turned to my abnormally cheerful husband and wailed “But, I was only gone for five hours!”

Here’s what I found :

The banking sector of the United States is in Chicken Little mode with every newspaper screaming that the sky is falling. As it may well be. When the smoke clears, will Bank of America be the only financial institution still standing? One pundit goes so far as to hint the “thousands” of banks will now fail in the coming months. Which is of course a signal for everyone to begin pulling their money out of the bank and hiding it in their mattresses. Failure to help people fully understand what the collapse of these financial giants means for the average Joe almost guarantees a run of worried customers, causing further panic and instability. If they can soft pedal of war of indeterminate length and destruction, why can’t they lie about the money problems of the entire country?

Also, because I have to live here, this really pisses me off and makes me hate the GOP more, which I didn’t think possible, but there it is. The Michigan GOP is trying to use the nifty Right-To-Vote laws here in Michigan to keep those who have been foreclosed upon from voting. Last time I checked the only groups of people not eligible to vote in the U.S. are illegal immigrants and currently incarcerated felons. Is the Michigan GOP trying to say that those who lost their homes to the shady dealings of the mortgage companies are actually criminals???? That’s one way to misdirect to mislead. Which seems to be the GOP’s SOP.

This one is more of an observational question. If oil is now selling for under a hundred dollars a barrel, why am I paying almost 4.50 a gallon this morning? If you say Ike I will issue a horrible Ancient Roman Curse upon you and your family. And your dog. While the closing of the refineries was probably a factor it does not explain to my personal satisfaction a jump of nearly 70 cents in two days. Especially with the price of oil continually falling. At one point on Friday a gas station here in Michigan was selling at 5.99 a gallon. Clearly, they were gouging. Yet, are the oil companies now gouging on the speculation of the maybe of things to come? So it would seem. Starting a mass panic can be profitable.

There was also a story about a house burning to the ground in North Texas because some geniuses disconnected the fire hydrants. Why, you ask? Because they were afraid that terrorists would poison the water supply. *Headslap* Good God, I knew this country was going backwards but, all the way back to the Middle Ages?

If you haven’t yet started running about your abode wailing in terror, scrabbling for your bankbook and refusing to drink the tap water, well, there just might be hope for you yet.

Dogwoman