Hey You, Out There On Your Own…

Hello.

If you go to a town hall meeting to shout and scream, listen up.

Your rights are not being violated when you are called out on your behaviour. In point of fact, when your unruly actions shut down an otherwise calm discussion, you are violating the rights of those around you. You, Mr. Town Hall Screaming and Spitting Guy, are essentially in the wrong.

The Town Hall meetings are supposed to be informational. And Senators are not required to have them. They are a courtesy to constituents. Something we saw none of during King Bush’s Reign of Ignorance. That we are, as taxpayers, being offered the chance to hear facts about the proposed bill and decide for ourselves how we feel about it is actually kind of nice.

Not being able to engage in a discussion because some random is pushing an agenda, not so nice.

Are the disruptions being organized and funded by third parties? It wouldn’t surprise me one bit. It’s the oldest tactic in the book(cough TammanyHallcough). Disinformation through disruption is a very old and effective political trick. But that’s all it is , a trick.

The use of these disruptive practices; false information, misleading statements of fact, is killing the necessary overhaul of the American health care system. Palin’s ridiculous and damning assertion that the proposed bill would put her Downs baby to death is nearing the criminal. Particularly since she probably has the means to afford proper life long care for her child. What if she didn’t ? What if she was working a minimum wage job and trying to pay for medical care out of pocket because her employer was getting around the health care benefit requirement by only giving her 38 hours a week instead of forty? Or she was denied access to necessary care because the child was born with a pre-existing condition? I’ll bet she would be singing a whole other tune.

These are the people who are being hurt by the current system. The ones who need the reform.

Not Palin. Not Republican middle class screamers. Not insurance companies.

Let’s face it, the health care industry makes an assload of  profit. It’s only right that they would throw a temper tantrum when someone tries to rein them in a little. That doesn’t mean they are in the right. It doesn’t mean they are free to disrupt and derail the democratic process.

Whether or not we agree with the proposed bill, people at least have the right to hear about it.

No one has the right to shout insults or scream until they silence the understandable curiosity of another person.

No one has the right to bring guns to what should be a rational disscussion, regardless of their right to carry concealed. This is an implied threat.

And  why aren’t those who are using Twitter  to issue these threats of retaliation and violence at Town Hall meetings (and they are legion) being arrested?

Dogwoman

Education First

Hello.

Why is it when right-wing conservative types post virulent comments they spell everything wrong?

I’m not pointing fingers. God knows, I have made my share of spelling gaffes. However, there are two types of spelling errors.

1) The kind of spelling error that results from a faulty phonics logic. This usually will bring one within a short distance of the correct spelling. These are the kind I generally make.

2) The kind of spelling error that screams “Fonics really Phukked me up!” Generally made by ignoring all of the phonics rules within the English language. These are the ones I refer to in the opening sentence of this post.

If you are going to insult, demean and degrade strangers, do it with panache. Do it with style.

Do it with spell check.

An unfounded accusation really loses something when the person that is being insulted has to guess at what you are talking about by deciphering your tedious spelling.

Right is not spelled r-i-t-e.

Traitor is not spelled t-r-a-i-t-e-r.

Shite is not spelled s-h-i-i-t-e. That is some thing else entirely: pronounced Shee-ite. A form of Islam. Which might change the content of your ballsy message just a little bit.

If right wingers in small Southern states want to be taken seriously, they should really make an effort to upgrade their spelling. Use that dictionary for more than something to keep your trailer level. It seems like a nit picky thing but, an incorrectly spelled insult can really set the opposition to laughing.

So as you, a self righteous indignant right winger go out into the cruel Obama world, try to spell your Nazi protest signs, scathing blog posts,  troll comments and general words of  anger at losing the Presidential election to an articulate and charming black guy, correctly. Not Kerectly.

Dogwoman

Careful There, You Almost Stepped In It

Hello.

Dearest Rush Limbaugh,

When you were a child, did you know that one day you would grow up to be  a heinous individual whose verbal incontinence caused people to want to ram steak knives into their ear canals? Did you?

I was only asking because comparing our President to the entire Nazi regime and encouraging hillbilly followers to disrupt town hall meetings and/or physically abuse complete strangers seems like a unusual life goal.  I understand the need to have a goal. I have goals. I have a great dream where it is illegal to spread slander. Oh wait, (headslap) that’s not a dream.

You, my fat bellied friend, are skating really close to the edge of a dangerous pond.  While one may in fact poke fun at the President of the United States, and I for one, really miss having the ammunition to do so, one cannot imply that one knows for certain that he is a Nazi,without actual proof.  You are probably wondering how you did that. It comes from stating, however vaguely, that the swastika is used in any manner by  the United States government or in this case, President Obama. The use of said emblem in any way would by association imply that our President is indeed a Nazi. And then the big bad Government agencies that you would like to see let loose on common citizens would actually be after…you. For slander of a public figure. Which you have barely escaped doing in your little tirade yesterday.

The most fun part of this is that the swastika is only being used  by your fellow right wingers on their protest signs. They are carrying the emblem. And waving it about. And shouting threatening slogans at innocent bystanders. So, by your own wise definition system, are they not in fact advertising themselves to be…….I’ll let you figure that one out.

Have a great, big, giant, red white and blue day! And see if you can’t work on getting some kind of internal editor before you end up back in the slammer.

Dogwoman

Not To Complain But…..

Hello.

It’s been a long week.

It went something like this:

Hello I ‘m here to-

Room 22. Here are your keys.

Uh thanks.

(Shuffle, Shuffle, click. Science??? This is supposed to be English. Darn.) Hmmm. Lesson plans, lesson plans. (I rifle the desk and look through the file cabinets which I’ve mentioned before I really hate doing.) Uh, where are the lesson plans????

Teacher from next door comes in. “Yeah Mrs. — was called away suddenly. Did she leave any lesson plans?”

No

“Oh, well I’ll see what I can come up with” she says running for the door as students begin to flood the classroom.

Oh dear, think think, think. (doing my Winnie the Pooh impression)

That was Monday.

Tuesday I was a Temporary Librarian.

HI I’m your-

Could you make copies of these and then I’ll tell you what you’re doing today.

Then she forgot to tell me what she wanted done. My job was to stand behind the desk and use my angry giantess superpowers to look imposing as students filed past to get their textbooks. “Grrrr, you evil students. Shhh, quit, this is a Library. Stop molesting the dictionary. What on earth are you doing to that book???” That’s right, I got paid to be a book bodyguard.

Thursday? Oh Thursday.

Two schools. One day.

School one.

Volunteers to read. How about you?

I don’t know how to read. (class laughs, until I give them THE LOOK)

Really. (Checking the class schedule) Is this not the honors class?

Yes but I can’t read. (class snickers)

That’s very sad. Maybe you should go to East office and let them know so they can put you in a different class.

Never mind

Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.

I can read it.

Oh well, you know what, let”s get someone else for now and I’ll let Mrs. — know you have trouble with reading.

Bitch, I hate you.

School Two:

Hi I’m-

Resource room upstairs end of the hall. And you’re late.

Sorry about that, I was coming from another school. I did call.

Mrs— is still there so maybe you can catch her before she leaves.

Great

Hi I’m-

Here are the lesson plans. watch out for K and I, have a great day. ( I think her high heels actually left skid marks as she raced for the exit.)

Students come in.

Hello. Mrs — isn’t here today. My name is Dogwoman and I’ll be helping you during her absence. Please get out your workbooks and I’ll come around and help-

Reading charts go flying as one student becomes upset. Next the book cart, three chairs and a math book that hits me in the back. Don’t worry, it was soft cover. When I called the office to have the student removed this was their reply

Oh, yeah, K,. The teachers next door can help. click.

Whaa..????? ( Now he’s screaming, flipping me off and using language reserved for Ice Road Truckers.)

Three teachers materialize and start talking to him like he’s a rabid dog they don’t want to get to close to. He hides in the media cabinet. Two other students begin fighting over who gets to use the computers first.

Eventually, three of the six students I started with have to be removed.

Later, they come back and it’s like nothing happened. Perfect gentlemen, every one of them. Gahhhh!

In my car on the way home I think about intense drug therapy and how it can be beneficial in these situations. No, not for the students, for me. I think a heroin script would really do the trick and I might mention it to my doctor next time I see her. Because, clearly, the vodka is not working.

Dogwoman

It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Hello.

It’s that time again. The smell of new shoes is in the air. The delicate sound of shouting and screaming outside the bedroom window as students line up at 6:45 a.m. to wait for the bus.

They’re going back.

And so am I. Another year of self-abuse and personal flagellation I like to call My Career As a Professional Substitute. This year our district has signed on with a professional contractor, ergo, I get benefits. Yeah! And five separate districts that I am contracted to. Boo! New students. Yeah! New administrators. Boo!

I am actually looking forward to this year. I have put together all of my papers, pencils, lesson plans, notebooks, printables, stickers, paperclips, xanax and vodka. Now all I need are the assignments.

You know how little kids get ready at 4 am for the first day of school and then just sit on the couch waiting for the ok to run to the bus? Yeah, that’s me. Just swinging my feet and waiting to say those magic words:

“If you don’t give me that phone right now I will call security and have you suspended.”

Ah, it’s gong to be a great year. I can feel it.

Dogwoman

Edumacation

Hello.

There is a proposal by some British nit-wittian that ‘alterantive spelling ‘ should be allowed at University level because, clearly, people can’t spell.

I am among the spelling afflicted. However, using tried and true grammar rules will usually, but not always, will get one out of a tight spelling spot.

I’ve have seen student papers at the secondary level that make me want to cry out to the Gods to stop this madness. Spelling is not the problem. The problem is grammar is no longer taught, thank you G.W.

Teachers don’t seem to care that students use phrases like ” he be, she be, then I like said”, and my personal favorite, come across in an English class  which I promptly made the student fix, “and all that shit.” It’s nice to know they can spell George Carlin’s favorite words.

Spelling requires a dictionary. When I was growing up we had eight. They each had grammar rules printed in the back. I before E except after C, unless its an ‘eh’ and in neighbor and weigh. Simple. And woe betide anyone who refused to speak proper grammar around my mother. That earned one a serious a wooden spooning. (Okay, so my mental scars were turned into a career. It works.)

The rambling point is, that if simple grammar rules were taught rather than just phonetics, as is currently the case in elementary schools, people would spell and speak concisely.

I’m sorry, but I don’t buy into the thinking that Ebonics and Text are acceptable standard public languages. They are dialects of English. Dialects shouldn’t be used in formal writing, unless it’s to make a point or highlight a character.

And students should be marked down for being so lazy that they can’t log onto their laptop and look up Dictionary.com. It’s not like they have to hike to the nearest library anymore. Point and click ye morons.

Dogwoman

Legislating Dystopia: Huxley Is Laughing

Hello.

Today I am having a fit of moral curiosity. It could happen, stop laughing.

As our culture endures a rather lengthy shake up and restructuring due to gas prices and food costs, I’ve noticed something. The government in the background is trying to legislate morality. They are going about it much more forcefully than ever before.  They are in the process of trying and potentially winning a battle to make nicotine a governmental regulated drug. Recently legislation was presented to make female contraceptives on par with abortion.

Why is this being allowed? Is it because we the people lack the common sense to live up to high moral standards or have we just stopped trying? In a culture that excoriates anyone who attempts to live outside the consumer mentality and exonerates greedy corporations for what amounts to illegal activities it is not a surprise that we no longer care. No one is listening. We are not being heard.

At some point being a gansta became the highest achievement teens will reach for. I say this, not because of flimsy media reports, but because that is what the students tell me. So, instead of looking beyond, they look around this country and feel that since it cannot be fixed in any meaningful way they will glorify defiance and violence. And that is where many inner city teens live. Not all of them mind you, but many of them.

And the adults are losing hope as well. We are losing the feeling that this government is for the people. As oil companies take in record profits on the backs of working Americans, many of whom are losing their homes, what is there to makes retain any hope for the future? Apparently nothing.

That being said, do we need government to regulate our personal habits? After allowing greed and gluttony to rule the last eight years what right does the Bush administration have to decide what we do with our lives?  They are trying to tell us who we can sleep with, while Republicans and evangelist ministers are indicted for prostitution and fraud. They are trying to tell us how to have fun, while Legislators are indicted for sexual harassment and fixing the judicial branch to reflect their groups’ philosophy. And more importantly, they are trying to tell us what we should believe in. By passing care for the poor directly into the hands of protestant churches and giving them government funding, by defining what a human being is using a 2000 year old book and repeatedly failing at passing new marriage laws aimed at keeping out non-traditional families, our government is trying to force this country to move backwards rather than forwards.

This moral legislation ideology will only last as long as the current crisis. Once Bush and his cronies no longer have their boot heels on the throats of ordinary citizens there will be a backlash. One has only to look at periods of history to see this. And it will not be good. Our society is in the midst of a shake up, a change. It happens every 65-70 years or so. Social patterns change and grow. Not everyone will engage in the change and not everyone will appreciate the new direction. However, it is coming, and it is coming faster than most of us realize.

To legislate personal choice is a violation of not just the constitution but the section of the constitution that guarantees us the ‘pursuit of happiness’. To look over the neighbors fence and decide that their idea of happiness is just a bad choice is ludicrous. We do not all engage in the same behaviors. Nor should we.

I, for one, would find no pleasure in living in a dystopian society in which everyone is expected to behave the same way at the same time, all the time.

Would you?

Dogwoman

Just Say No To Drugging Children

Hello.

Is your child a daydreamer? Do they spend time living in a world of their own creation? Do you find it really annoying when they tell you long winded stories about things that are outrageous? Are you concerned that this might be a sign of mental illness because they are not thinking clearly, like an adult?

Have I got a website/cure for you!

Apparently, if you give them an herbal essence you can cure this terrible affliction. In fact, according to this website, you can cure everything that’s wrong with children today with a few drops of flower essences.

I originally found this in a health food store and spent a good five minutes laughing and the rest of the night being puzzled. Clematis is not a flower I would recommend anyone ingest.  People have an over-confidence problem when it comes to anything labeled “herbal”.  It’s hard to keep in mind that all those nifty medical prescriptions come from plants and flowers, the only difference is the active ingredient has been supercharged or isolated depending on the drug. For a long time Comfrey was on the shelves as a tea, despite the fact that anyone with even a little knowledge would say one should never take Comfrey internally. Eventually the government got wise and ordered that all Comfrey teas be pulled from the shelves.

Herbal medications, like general prescription drugs, ‘cure’ nothing. They alleviate symptoms. And there are a whole bunch of provisos that if one is not aware of can actually make one very ill. For example, if you take warfarin or coumadin you should never drink chamomile tea. Chamomile contains cumarins and if you are on a blood thinner you could bleed internally.

All that aside, if you are giving your child herbal medications to fix shyness or tantrums, there is something wrong with you. Some children are shy, some are bratty,  it’s called having a personality. As for a daydreamer, well some children are more creative than others. It’s not an affliction that needs medication. If they refuse to have any social contact or scream when you touch them get them tested for autism, otherwise leave them alone.

I for one am a champion daydreamer. I love to slip off mentally and take a vacation once in while. Then I write about it. My son also spends time in a world of his own. Then he writes music. There is nothing wrong with nipping out just to enjoy your own mind every so often. It’s called being creative. Without it science would never catch up to fiction.

So parents, relax, and know that having a creative intelligent child is not something you need to have them medicated for. They’ll either outgrow it or write a new symphony.

Hopefully, we will soon find a plant that will cure overactive stupidity in parents, until that day comes……

Dogwoman

If George W. Bush Had A Uterus

Hello.

So the Bush Administration wants to redefine contraception in such a way as to make taking a pill or using an IUD a legal abortion. I can say I am not surprised. This is the man who three days into his first term tried to redefine what a human being is. And cut all overseas programs for women’s health in countries with high birth population and astronomical child mortality rates. I can only assume that since he has no uterus, women’s health issues, like good foreign policy, are beyond his grasp.

Why does the government insist on treating women like chattel when it comes to their health? This is the Admin that made it okay for a pharmacist not only to refuse contraception to women with a legal script but also allowed them to berate and humiliate them for trying to be responsible about their bodies and their health.

I will say this, no man, however high up in the Government structure should be allowed to tell a woman what she may do with her own body. I don’t see the Government cracking down on men who by condoms or Viagra. In fact while Viagra is covered by insurance many birth control devices for woman are not.

And are these not the same people who regularly trot out the welfare rolls for public derision?

As I have said before, they cannot have it both ways. Either the government should promote healthy sexual attitudes through good information and availability of contraception to everyone or the should just admit that they are a bunch of redneck asshats who think women should be fully oppressed.

I am thinking that if George had a uterus there would be contraception carnivals all over the country. Birth control pills and sponges would rain from the very skies via jet fighters. That every twenty eight days chocolate and corn chips would be free and crying jags would be the norm.

Until he grows one we’re stuck with his backwoods sexual censorship.

Zipperhead.

Dogwoman

If You Only Knew

Hello.

I read a news report about a substitute who was fired for doing a magic trick in class. Oh and he let students use a computer. I’m willing to bet he didn’t let the students use it, they just waited till he wasn’t looking. Or lied to him.

Another Sub was fired for having blue hair.

The charges against the Subs were, respectively, wizardry and paganism.

I find this interesting, considering that Subs are expected to be magical beings who can wave a wand and keep a class of forty two strangers under control while simultaneously getting them to do ridiculous busy work.

The complaints came from parents. Parents. Oh, parents.

Recently, I was redirected to another job at the last minute. After getting into the class and starting my morning walk about, a parent came to the door with two little ‘uns and began without preamble to scream at me. I watched and waited for them to take a breath. This took a while. When they finished calling me everything they could think of except ‘fine individual’, I smiled and said:

” I wasn’t here yesterday and I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Aren’t you the Sub?”

“I am a Sub, but not the one you are looking for I think.”

” Oh. Well my kids” indicating the two children who hadn’t said anything thus far, “said he was screaming at them.”

I nodded. ” Well, you could go to the office and discuss it with them but, right now I have to finish reading the lesson plans. Sorry.”

“Right.” Then they left.

The problem is that the parents have no idea how their children behave in school. The class mentioned above contains no less than eight conduct disordered and special educations students. I know this because I have spent a lot of time in that particular class. The students don’t get away with much when I am there, though they do try. Of course they try, they’re kids. And it’s ten times worse when a Sub is there. On this day, a student from this class was given a three day suspension. He came back after I sent him to the office and said ” You got me suspended.” I replied in my best teachery voice, “No, —, you got yourself suspended by making a poor choice. Next time, think carefully before you act.” Which of course was followed by the student yelling “I hate you.”  Sigh.

If parents could see what their children really do when Substitutes are in the room, I think the two people at the beginning of the article would still be employed.

Wizardry and Paganism are not really the issue. The issue is parental complaining. If they think that their children are being treated badly they don’t stop to rationalize the problem, they just go off. My children, over the years, have come home telling me about a mean Sub and I always ask them what they did to make the Sub mad. Inevitably, the answer is ‘nothing”. Bull. I know better. And so do they.

In the course of this last year I have been subjected to: Paper airplanes , paper wads, bits of erasers, pencils, paperclips, books and marbles thrown at me during lessons. I have been threatened with physical harm, spit at, screamed at, pushed and physically intimidated. I’ve been told to fuck off, get fucked, fuck you. I’ve been called bitch, geek, loser, stupid, dumb, not a real teacher, idiot. These are general education students. Every parents’ precious little snowflake treats strangers this way. Strangers, I might add, who have come into the class to help them learn.

So the next time your angel comes home whining about a Sub who was mean, take a minute to think of all things said angel might have done to push that person too far. Everyone has limits, even substitutes.

Paganism and wizardry, my ass.

Dogwoman